An Ironic Truth

To strengthen “traditional” marriage,
the U.S. Catholic Bishops need to smarten-up and
support marriage equality for same-sex couples.

The U.S. Roman Catholic bishops are working on a proposed pastoral letter on marriage. Tom Roberts of the National Catholic Reporter has seen a leaked copy – and he and the newspaper’s editors are not impressed. Indeed, a recent NCR editorial states that because the draft seems so heavy-handed, full of “sweeping denunciations,” and lacking in “pastoral solicitude,” the bishops should simply “scrap the entire text . . . and start fresh.” Ouch!

From what I can gather, the proposed pastoral letter (entitled “Marriage: Love and Live in the Divine Plan”) doesn’t seem particularly interested in extolling the joys and virtues of marriage but rather in issuing dire warnings against four “fundamental challenges” to marriage. Two of these – cohabitation and contraception – are described as intrinsically evil.” (Hmm . . . now where have we gay folks heard that one before!?)

Of course, according to the bishops, same-gender unions (i.e., gay civil marriage/unions) comprise another supposed “challenge” to marriage. I mean, come on, we all know that if same-gender marriage was legal there would be a mass exodus of straight individuals from their heterosexual marriages, all clamoring to tie the knot with someone of the same sex! See how ridiculous this is? And yet still the bishops pontificate in all seriousness that same-gender marriage, because it “redefines the nature of marriage and the family . . . harms both the intrinsic dignity of every human person and the common good of society.”

The idea that heterosexual marriage is somehow threatened by gay marriage is a crock. And here’s why: In a recent article in The Gay and Lesbian Review, Carol Booth notes that, given that the heterosexual marriage bond is viewed by opponents of gay marriage as the “epicenter” of the “sound functioning of the family,” then the divorce rate “should be one of the most substantial indicators of gay marriage’s destructive force.” Well, guess what? The states that recognize gay marriage have some of the highest rates of family stability. Massachusetts, for instance, has one of the lowest divorce rates in the country. “Other states that have legalized same-sex marriage more recently,” notes Booth, “have similarly low divorce rates, suggesting that states where marriage as an institution is the strongest are the ones most likely to accept same-sex marriage.” Concludes Booth:

While not every state’s individual statistics fall within this pattern, the highest divorce rates are found in the states with constitutional and statutory bans on gay marriage, and the lowest rates are found among the states that have granted marriage rights to their gay citizens. The states that have gilded their discriminatory laws with the allowance of some form of domestic partnership benefits fall in between.

Booth then proceeds to explore why exactly “the states with gay marriage have stronger family bonds than those that have refused to grant marriage equality.” And why is this? Well, Booth believes that the answer may be found in “another common thread running through the states which recognize same-sex marriage: their citizens appear to be smarter than those in the anti-marriage equality states, or at least better educated.”

Writes Booth:

According to the Education State Rankings 2008-2009 published by CQ Press (2009), the four smartest states in the U.S. are, in order, Massachusetts, Vermont, New Jersey, and Connecticut, all of which recognize the legitimacy of same sex marriage or at least (in the case of New Jersey) civil unions. The evidence is in: the smartest people hold the values that really hold families together, and that includes the value of marriage equality.

Of course, the only way our bishops are going to be among those “smartest people” who “hold the values that really hold families together” is by taking the time to actually listen to real married couples (gay and straight), to the experts who compile the stats that writers like Carol Booth so succinctly articulate, and to professionals like Dr. Erik Steele, who notes:

Marriage does not need protection from gays; it needs protection from the things I see in my office every day that tear half of American marriages apart. Nothing, in my experience, corrodes love and marriage like the grind of existence on the margins of economic survival. Drug and alcohol addiction will ruin more marriages than gays’ access to civil marriage ever will.

Sadly, I can’t see such education of the bishops taking place any time soon. The vast majority simply lack the humility for it to occur – entrenched as they are in a clerical caste system that traps them in armor-like hubris. Plus, in order to “succeed” in this caste system, they must commit to unquestioningly supporting and advancing a discriminatory ideology that pathetically attempts to pass as an actual theology of human sexuality.

In an October 6 New Catholic Times article, Ted Schmidt contends that the bishops have “missed a fundamental truth of modern ecclesiology, the teaching on the sensus fidelium, that the Spirit is given to the entire church and not an ordained rump of clerical celibates. They are so fixated on the idea that they are ‘the teachers’ that they have forgotten that they must first be the listeners and learners.”

The few bishops who do take the time to actually listen and learn - and who, as a result, develop and convey genuine humility and wisdom - are treated far from kindly by their brother bishops – as attested by the recent banning of Bishop Thomas Gumbleton from speaking publicly.

Truly it’s up to the entire body of the baptized (and that means you and me) to gently yet firmly rebuke the bishop’s lack of education, humility, compassion, and trust in the Spirit present and active within and throughout the entire church. Of course, the most obvious way this rebuke will be seen will be in the total rejection of the bishops’ diatribe on the “challenges to marriage.” And it will be an understandable rejection because 1) the faithful aren’t children but thinking adults; and 2) the bishops lack the genuine pastoral ability and intellectual prowess to seek to grasp the realities that truly threaten marriage and truly strengthen marriage – regardless of whether we’re talking about opposite-gender marriage or same-gender marriage.

In any other sphere such willful ignorance and incompetence would not be tolerated from those in positions of authority. Why should it be tolerated from our Roman Catholic bishops?


See also the previous Wild Reed posts:
A Catholic Voice for Marriage Equality at the State Capitol
A Surprising Finding Regarding Catholics and Gay Marriage
Dr. Erik Steele and the “Naked Truth of Same-Sex Marriage”
Scandalous News from Maine
James Nelson on “Sexual Rules” and “Openness to Life”
The “Ratzinger Letter” of 1986 as “Theological Pornography”
On Gay Issues, ELCA Elects to Embody a Living, Growing Faith
Will We See Change?
“If the People Don’t Believe It, It’s Not True”
James Carroll on Catholic Understandings of Truth
Liberated to Be Together

Recommended Off-site Links:
Bishops Aim for a Pastoral Way to Say ‘No’ - Cathy Lynn Grossman (USA Today, October 13, 2009).
Bishops’ Draft Pastoral Letter Warns of Dangers to Marriage - Tom Roberts (National Catholic Reporter, October 12, 2009).
On Marriage, the Bishops Should Start Over - National Catholic Reporter (October 12, 2009).
The USCCB on Marriage and Family - zzzzzzzz - Colleen Kochivar-Baker (Enlightened Catholicism, October 13, 2009).
News Flash: U.S. Catholic Bishops Forbid Marriage to Couples Who Cannot Conceive - William D. Lindsey (Bilgrimage, October 13, 2009).
Smart Family Values - Carol Booth (National Gay and Lesbian Review, September-October 2009).

Image: Matt Groening.