Thursday, June 29, 2023

The Bigger Box of Crayons We All Deserve


The Wild Reed’s 2023 Queer Appreciation series continues with the sharing of the TEDx talk that Dr. Angela Kade Goepferd gave in Minneapolis in September 2020.

You may recall that the previous (and first) installment of this series spotlighted the work of Dr. Goepferd, a pediatrician and the medical director of the Children’s Minnesota Gender Health program.

Entitled “The Revolutionary Truth About Kids and Gender Identity,” Dr. Goepferd’s TEDx talk is described by one YouTube viewer as “getting to the heart of the [gender-affirming care] conversation” by advocating for “letting people be themselves and then supporting them, not trying to ‘correct’ them. Such a simple idea, but very difficult for people to accept.”

The 16-minute video of Dr. Goepferd’s talk is followed by the transcript of that part of it which particularly resonates with me.





It is my foundational belief that we all know who we are from a very young age, including the truest expression of our gender identity. And we actually spend most of our lives searching for the words and the tools and the safety and the agency to share ourselves with the world.

Queer author and activist Leslie Feinberg said, “Gender is the poetry we write with the language we are taught.”

If we give kids the language, if we open the [full] box of crayons [for them], they will tell us who they are.

So, no, this is not a “trend” or a “fad.” I think this is the revealing of a truth, a truth that has always existed. And kids can’t draw the truth of themselves with just one crayon [a pink or a blue one]. . . . Kids today are seeing more and more LGBTQ folks; we are giving them a bigger box of crayons, and they are actually drawing for us more imaginative pictures of what it means to be a boy or a girl or something in between than many of us can ever remember.

And so what is our job as parents, as pediatricians, as aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends, neighbors, teachers?

Our job is to listen; our job is to ask interesting questions and then listen for the answer.

Who are you? What do you like? What makes you feel like you?

And when kids begin to show themselves to us, we support them without steering; we reveal our own gender identities. We ask and share names and pronouns.

What I’ve learnt in my role as a pediatrician in the last fifteen years, and as a pediatrician that specializes in the care of transgender and gender-diverse kids, is that these kids don’t need me to figure them out. They need me to listen, to really listen, and to help them amplify the voice that’s inside them. They need me to help them be heard.

And when these kids begin to show themselves to us, when they start down that brave journey of self-discovery, we remind them that they are beautiful and strong and resilient. And most importantly, we love them, we fully and fiercely and wholeheartedly love them.

If we do this, our kids will draw for us the most beautiful pictures of who they are. They will write for us the beautiful poetry of their identities. And in doing this, they will expand the world of gender – and not just for them but for all of us. Because how many of us were given just two crayons to choose from but longed for a bigger box? How many of us weren’t given the right tools of language to describe our own identities?

You see, in loving and supporting transgender and gender-diverse kids, we’re not only helping them be more free and true versions of themselves, we’re helping all of us have the language we need to discover ourselves.

Leslie Feinberg also said, “My right to be me is tied with a thousand threads to your right to be you.”

Because, after all, we all deserve a bigger box of crayons.

Dr. Angela Kade Goepferd



NEXT: Transgender in America Today



Related Off-site Links:
Dr. Angela Kade Goepferd Pioneers Gender-Affirming Care for Kids – Nicole Ki (MPR News, June 1, 2023).
The Good Doctor: Angela Kade Goepferd, MD – Susan Swavely (Lavender, January 12, 2023).
The GOP’s War on Trans Kids Relies on Myths about a “Progressive” Europe – Alex Koren (The Stranger, April 6, 2023).
Young Children Do Not Receive Medical Gender Transition Treatment – Kate Yandell (FactCheck.org, May 22, 2023).
The Big Myth About the Supposed “Anti-Trans” Backlash – Sarah Posner (MSNBC.com, June 23, 2023).
Court Ruling Gets Right What Corporate News Often Gets Wrong About Gender-Affirming Care – Alex Koren (Common Dreams, June 24, 2023).
How Pro-Trans Rights Lawmakers Can Fight the Right Wing’s Weaponization of Courts – Jessie Ulibarri and Leigh Finke (Common Dreams, June 26, 2023).
The Gender Spectrum – Carrie Kilman (LearningForJustice.org, Summer 2013).

UPDATE: Gender-Affirming Surgeries for Trans People Have Tripled in Three Years. Experts Explain “Significant” Increase – David Artavia (Yahoo! News, August 23, 2023).

See also the previous Wild Reed posts:
Angela Kade Goepferd on the “Manufactured Controversy” Targeting Gender-Affirming Care
Trans 101
Lisa Leff on Five Things to Know About Transgender People
Judith Butler on the Reactionary Movement and Fascist Trend Opposed to Diverse Ideas About Gender
Gabbi Pierce on the “Evolution of Gender”
“This Is Indeed Part of My Queer Agenda . . .”
Maebe A. Girl: A “Decidedly Progressive Candidate” for Congress
Catholics Recognize and Celebrate the Truth of Transgender People: “Their Quest for Authenticity Is a Quest for Holiness”
Francis DeBernardo: Quote of the Day – September 21, 2016
Terry Weldon: Quote of the Day – August 20, 2015


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