Tuesday, July 12, 2011

"I Have Never Felt Closer to Anyone in My Entire Life Than to David"

Michael Douglas eulogizes his husband of 13 years, David McCaffrey,
co-founder of the Twin Cities-based Catholic Pastoral Committee on
Sexual Minorities. David died late Saturday night after a short illness.

Just as much as it pains me to write these words, I also feel a wonderful sense of awakening. I appreciate all of the kind words that readers of The Wild Reed continue to post about my partner of over 13 years, David Joseph McCaffrey.

From the moment we met, I knew that we shared a relationship that seemed destined to occur – in spite of our 21-year age difference. David's passing was, indeed, unexpected – leaving me with an initial sense of aimlessness and loneliness. I suppose this is a natural response to the loss of a spouse, but it was the first time that I had ever experienced such an emotional trauma. I have never felt closer to anyone in my entire life than to David. The emotional and physical bonds we shared for more than a decade continued to grow stronger and richer each and every day right up to the moment of his passing. I now know what it feels like to lose such a bond.

As a husband and a physician, I cherished the role of nurturer, provider, and protector for David. He returned his love and selflessness in ways that I cannot quantify. Many times over the course of the past 13 years I had to pinch myself – as I knew I was the luckiest man on earth to have such a gentle, caring, charitable, fulsome soul to call my husband. I know that many of the well-wishers reading this blog experienced these qualities, as David touched so many lives through his advocacy and stewardship of others, including many racial and sexual minorities.

As I write this post, it is, unmistakably, a very difficult time for me. But the continued kind words of support from many I consider friends having met through David, I know that I will remain strong and emerge from his loss with a new found gain for life, charity toward others, and a renewed spirit and sense of worth. David possessed and effortlessly applied all of these qualities, as if he was placed here on this earth to carry them out. I know that the lives he touched, including mine, have been forever positively affected through his actions. I will cherish that quality, as well as strive to attain it, for the rest of my life.

Thank you, David. Thank you for your loving, caring soul. I will always carry yours in my heart.

– Michael Douglas


David's funeral arrangements:

Visitation: 4:00-8:00 p.m., Thursday, July 14, 2011 – Bradshaw Funeral Home, 1078 Rice St., Saint Paul.

Funeral/Memorial: 11 a.m., Friday, July 15, 2011 at the Church of St. Stanislaus, 398 Superior St. & West 7th St., Saint Paul.

Recommended Off-site Link:
Remembering David McCaffrey – Mary Lynn Murphy (
The Progressive Catholic Voice, July 12, 2011).

See also the previous Wild Reed post:
Sad News – Michael Bayly (
The Wild Reed, July 10, 2011).

1 comment:

Mareczku said...

Thank you for your beautiful words, Michael Douglas. May God bless you and keep you in His care and may your happy memories be of comfort to you.