Remembering David McCaffrey, 10 Years On

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I envision and work to create a Church that is open
& responsive to the needs and gifts of all its members;
a Church that is meaningful and nurturing of all,
and one that recognizes the equal status of all.

– David J. McCaffrey

1947 – 2011

Ten years ago today, my dear friend and colleague David McCaffrey died after a brief illness. He was 64.

Left: David and I at one of many planning meetings we hosted and/or attended over the years of our friendship and our shared work around LGBT-education and justice issues within the Catholic Church.

David was a tireless advocate for LGBT Catholics and an incredibly caring and generous individual. His compassion and commitment to justice and to the good news of liberation for the marginalized and oppressed were hallmarks of his life, as was his dedication to the Catholic LGBT community, his humor, and his warm and welcoming smile.

A year before his death, David was a recipient of the Adsum Award at the Catholic Coalition for Church Reform’s Synod of the Baptized. Adsum is a Latin word which means “I am present and listening.” Whenever the participants in Vatican II were gathered at St. Peter’s Basilica their traditional prayer was the exclamation: adsumus – “we are present and listening.” The Adsum Award recognizes those individuals who are known within the local church for having committed to being present and attentive to the Spirit. Accordingly, they have served as partners with the Spirit in re-creating the face of the church in the Archdiocese of St. Paul-Minneapolis.

David J. McCaffrey was a worthy recipient of this award. An honors graduate of the University of St. Thomas (1969, magna cum laude), David spent almost 30 years working in medical and social science research at the University of Minnesota. He was dedicated to ensuring that church teaching on gender and sexuality was informed by the findings of this important research. In 1980 he was one of six co-founders of the Catholic Pastoral Committee on Sexual Minorities (CPCSM), an advocacy and educational non-profit that worked to create environments of respect, acceptance and safety for LGBTQI persons and their families in the Catholic Church and wider society. I served as CPCSM’s executive coordinator from 2003 until it’s disbandment in 2015. (For David’s recollections of the founding of CPCSM, click here.)

In the 1980’s, David played a crucial role in CPCSM’s groundbreaking Needs Assessment Survey of local LGBT Catholics. He was also the executive producer of CPCSM’s 1988 video, Silent Journeys of Faith, and the editor of its companion guidebook. Both resources were major components of CPCSM’s training workshops given to pastoral and social justice professionals of 25 parishes throughout the archdiocese.

In the 1990s, David played a major role in the development and implementation of CPCSM’s Safe Staff Training Initiative, which provided sensitivity training around LGBT issues to the educational leadership of the archdiocese and to administrators and faculties of eight of the high schools of the archdiocese. (This initiative culminated in the 2007 publication of Creating Safe Environments for LGBT Students: A Catholic Schools Perspective, the book – and “courageous document” – that I authored.)

In the years before his passing, David maintained CPCSM’s extensive website (archived here). He also took an invaluable leadership role in Catholics for Marriage Equality MN and was an active member in his faith community, St. Stanislaus Catholic Church in St. Paul.

Today, on the tenth anniversary of his passing, I honor David by sharing a selection of photographs taken over the period of time when I knew and worked with him (1994-2011). I also share one of David’s writings from 2008.

If, like me, you knew and loved David, then I’m sure you’ll enjoy this very special commemorative post. You may even see yourself in a photo or two!

So without further ado, let’s get started . . .

Above: The cover of the September 30, 1994 issue of Gaze Magazine, featuring David with fellow CPCSM co-founder Bill Kummer (left) and Dignity Twin Cities president Brian McNeill (center).

Written by Zoé Diacou, this cover story, entitled “Crossing the Catholic Church,” examined “local GLBT Catholics’ twenty-year struggle with the hierarchy” by interviewing people associated with Dignity Twin Cities, which was celebrating its 20th anniversary that year. I’d joined Dignity within weeks of my arrival in Minnesota in January 1994, and its welcoming environment provided me my first opportunity to meet other gay Catholics. Diacou’s article included insightful comments from David and Bill, both of whom have now passed (Bill in 2006, and David in 2011).

To read Zoé Diacou’s article “Crossing the Catholic Church,” click here.

Above: My first photo with David. We’re pictured standing with Bishop Thomas Gumblton and fellow-members of our planning team for Bishop Gumbleton’s October 1994 visit to the Twin Cities.

From left: CPCSM board member Mary Burns, David, me, Bishop Thomas Gumbleton, CPCSM co-founder Bill Kummer, Darlene White, Dale Korogi (who at that time was at the Basilica of St. Mary, one of the venues at which Bishop Gumbleton spoke and celebrated mass), and Joan Bednarczyk (from the Church of St. Stephen in Anoka, where Bishop Gumbleton’s talk was entitled “From Fear to Faith: A Catholic Bishop's Personal Journey with His Gay Brother”).

As I document here, it was through Dignity Twin Cities that I first became involved with the Catholic Pastoral Committee on Sexual Minorities (CPCSM). Years later I would serve as the organization's executive coordinator.

Throughout the spring and summer of 1994, CPCSM worked to bring Bishop Gumbleton to the Twin Cities for a series of talks in October. I organized a speaking engagement for the bishop at the College of St. Catherine, and gave it the title, “Bridging the Gap: Reconciling the Church and Its Sexual Minority Members.” I used a picture of the construction of the Sydney Harbour Bridge in the promotional material.

Above: David in November 2004, pictured with me and my friend Raphael, who was visiting from Australia at that time.



Above: David with my parents, Gordon and Margaret Bayly, during their visit to the Twin Cities from Australia in the summer of 2005.

Above: With David and Catholic feminist theologian Mary Hunt – February 2006.

CPCSM had partnered with St. Joan of Arc Catholic Church to bring Mary to Minneapolis for a symposium entitled “Exploring Contemporary Issues Within the Catholic Church.” For the text of Mary’s talk, “One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic: An Ecclesia for Our Children and Ourselves,” click here.

Above: CPCSM's inaugural Bill Kummer Forum on April 28-29, 2006, featured renowned theologian and author Daniel Helminiak, who offered a two-part presentation entitled “Gay Body, Gay Soul: A Catholic LGBTI Perspective on Sexuality, Spirituality and Marriage.” Pictured from left: Rev. Paul Tucker (then-pastor of All God’s Children Metropolitan Community Church), Daniel, Paul Fleege (CPCSM treasurer), and David and I.

For my 2006 Rainbow Spirit interview with Daniel, click here.

Above: On the evening of Friday, April 27, 2007, members and friends of CPCSM attended the inaugural Minnesota GLBTA Campus Alliance Spring Dinner at the University of St. Thomas.

Clockwise from front left: Mary Lynn Murphy (then-CPCSM president and Catholic Rainbow Parents coordinator); Tom Murr; Gretchen Murr (then-president of P-Flag/Twin Cities); David and his partner Michael; Paul Fleege (then-treasurer of CPCSM); Kathleen Olson; and Cheryl Maloney (then-executive director of Twin Cities Pride).

For more images and commentary on this event, click here.



Above: From left: David’s partner Michael, David, Aimee, me, and Mary Lynn at Twin Cities Gay Pride 2007.



Above: A meeting of The Progressive Catholic Voice planning team – August 2007. From left: Beverly Barrett , Mary Lynn Murphy, Paul Fleege, Gerry Sell, Susan Kramp, Mary Beckfeld, David, Rick Notch, and Paula Ruddy.



Above: David with longtime CPCSM supporter Theresa O’Brien – January 26, 2008.



Above: David with Mary Beckfeld, the recipient of CPCSM’s 2008 Father Henry F. LeMay Pastoral Ministry Award – June 23, 2008.



Above: David and his partner Michael were among a number of friends who gathered at my home in St. Paul on Saturday, August 2, 2008, to meet and welcome my older brother and his family who were visiting the U.S. at that time. From left: My nephew, Brendan; Tom White; Rick Notch; Sue Ann Martinson; David and Michael; me; my nephew, Mitchell; Rita McDonald, CSJ; and Kate McDonald, CSJ.



Above: David and his partner Michael – December 2009.



Above: David with Kathleen Olsen, leading the singing of “We Shall Overcome” at the Cathedral of St. Paul – October 31, 2010. Approximately 150 people gathered at the Cathedral that day in loving opposition to the MN bishops’ campaign of intolerance and discrimination against the LGBT citizens of Minnesota. For more images and commentary, click here.

Above: With David and our friend Paul – December 2010.

Above: David with (from left) Sheila Nelson, CALGM president, and Myrna Ohmann, Catholic Rainbow Parents co-founder – February 26, 2011.



Above: Standing at left with (from left) attorney Jeff Anderson, journalist and author Jason Berry, psychologist and Walk-In Counseling Center executive director Gary Schoener, and David – June 16, 2011.

Berry, well-known for his meticulous reporting on sexual abuse by Catholic priests, was visiting St. Paul as part of his national book tour for Render Unto Rome: The Secret Life of Money In the Catholic Church.



Above: The last photo of David, taken at Twin Cities Gay Pride 2011 – Sunday, June 26, 2011.

From left: Rick, David, Paul and me.



In Zoé Diacou’s 1994 article, “Crossing the Catholic Church,” it’s noted that David felt unable to worship regularly at any parish, "primarily as a result of personal and spiritual burnout and betrayal." Thankfully, by the time of his death, David had for many years found a welcoming and supportive spiritual home at St. Stanislaus Catholic Church in St. Paul. Indeed, at his funeral mass on July 15, 2011, a beautiful portrait of David and his partner of 13-and-a-half years, Michael, adorned the sanctuary (above), the same sacred space from which Michael delivered a heartfelt eulogy for David. To read this eulogy and for images of the mass, click here.

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I close by sharing an article that David wrote for The Progressive Catholic Voice in 2008. It’s actually a response to a commentary in the Star Tribune newspaper by University of St. Thomas professor Stephen Heaney. In this commentary, Heaney – who at that time sat on the board of the Archdiocese’s Faith in Action (a.k.a Courage) program – attempts to defend statements on homosexuality by then-Coadjutor Archbishop John Nienstedt.

As I’m sure you’ll agree, David’s well-researched and reasoned response methodically and effectively demolishes Heaney’s argument. It also exposes the archbishop’s statements and, by extension, the Church’s teaching on homosexuality, as being both intellectually dishonest and morally bankrupt. As I said earlier in this post, David's was dedicated to doing whatever he could to ensure that church teaching on gender and sexuality was informed by the latest medical and social science research. It was his passion, and we were so fortunate to be gifted by it. Thank you, David!


• • • • • • • • • • • •

Far from “Innocuous”
A response to Stephen’s Heaney’s defense
of Coadjutor Archbishop John Nienstedt’s
“innocuous” statements on homosexuality

By David J. McCaffrey
The Progressive Catholic Voice
January 2008

In his December 29, 2007 commentary in the Star Tribune, University of Minnesota professor Stephen J. Heaney implied that there are a small number of people who oppose the Church’s teaching on homosexuality, as recently articulated by Coadjutor Archbishop Nienstedt in his column in The Catholic Spirit. Furthermore, Heaney asserts that Nienstedt’s column about homosexuality, far from being of concern or controversy, is in fact “innocuous.” That particular column includes the following “innocuous” statement of the archbishop’s:

Those who actively encourage or promote homosexual acts or such activity within a homosexual lifestyle formally cooperate in a grave evil and, if they do so knowingly and willingly, are guilty of mortal sin. They have broken communion with the church and are prohibited from receiving holy Communion until they have had a conversion of heart, expressed sorrow for their action and received sacramental absolution from a priest.

I assert that Heaney is wrong on both accounts. Not a small number of people oppose the type of anti-gay speech from religious leaders like Archbishop Nienstedt, and such speech is far from “innocuous.”

For example, as for Heaney’s implication that there is a small number opposing Nienstedt’s articulation of the Church's teaching on homosexuality, in a Fall 2007 Harris Study of heterosexual Americans, 56 % of all those surveyed – and 60 % of those aged 18 to 44 – said people should be more supportive of equal rights for gay people. Further, according to the poll’s findings, a majority of Americans (71 %) said they have spoken out against anti-gay comments, saying they felt it was “the right thing to do.”

Also, according to the September 2007 study among young people in the U.S., aged 16 to 29, by Christian pollster George Barna, 91% of non-Christians and 80% of churchgoers say present-day Christianity is “anti-homosexual.” And that “they believe that Christians show excessive contempt and unloving attitudes towards gays and lesbians.” Such research results do not represent small numbers of people, as Professor Heaney would have us believe.

Refuting Heaney’s assertion that Nienstedt’s column is “innocuous” is a 2003 national survey of adults by the prestigious Pew Research Center for The People & The Press and the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life. This study found that “people who hear clergy talk [negatively] about homosexuality are more likely to have highly unfavorable views of gays and lesbians.” If that is true, then statements such as Nienstedt’s, from a religious leader, are far from “innocuous.”

How many local Catholics, including families with LGBT members, have been encouraged to hold negative views toward their loved ones after reading or hearing Nienstedt’s statements? How many more coworkers, neighbors, and even family members will now feel more self-righteous permission to further discriminate against members of sexual minorities who are trying to live honest and self-actualized lives?

Beyond the significance and the impact of Nienstedt’s recent statement on homosexuality, we need to seriously consider both this statement’s substance – that those who encourage and support gay people are cooperating in a grave evil and thereby are guilty of mortal sin; and its foundation – that persons who are innately homosexual and attempt to live honest, self-actualized lives, as their consciences dictate, are “intrinsically disordered.” I assert, as does virtually every reputable medical and mental health professional organization, that homosexuality is innate and not based on choice and that it cannot and should not be changed through unsafe and unethical methods known as “reparative” or “conversion" therapy.

Therefore, the Church’s teaching that homosexuality is “intrinsically disordered” and that those who find themselves to be constitutively homosexual must maintain life-long sexual abstinence is clearly based on outdated science and must go the same way as the Church’s past teachings on the solar system, slavery, the dynamics of human reproduction, and the status of women – all of which were also based upon outdated science.

For any academic institution to be relevant and credible, its curriculum must remain consonant with the findings of today’s human sciences. In the case of a Catholic academic institution like the University of St. Thomas, its curriculum should also be open to theological developments that are informed by the sciences and the lived experience of the faithful. In this way, such academic institutions will continue to grow with society and with the living faith of the people of God.

The recent decision by St. Thomas’ board of trustees to proactively democratize its board structure by making the chairman and vice-chairman positions electable represents one such change to ensure the University’s relevance and credibility. Traditionally, both board positions had been held ex-officio by the Archbishop and the Vicar General of the Archdiocese of St. Paul-Minneapolis, respectively. However, based upon advice from the Association of Governing Boards of Colleges and Universities following a review of St. Thomas’ board structure, the University’s trustees voted in October to make the board’s by-law changes.

Another clear sign of such progress would be for the University administration and faculty to cease clinging to concepts about human nature, and especially human sexuality, that are based upon medieval notions seriously out of sync with today’s mainstream science and the authentic life experiences of gay people of faith. Such a change would greatly assist these students as they follow their conscience in seeking honest and fulfilling lives that are true to how God created them while enabling them to utilize their many talents to the fullest in responding to the multiple needs of today’s world.

– David J. McCaffrey
The Progressive Catholic Voice
January 2008

See also the previous Wild Reed posts:
• David McCaffrey Looks Back at the History of CPCSM
• David McCaffrey: “History Matters”
• CPCSM Co-Founder David McCaffrey Responds to “Not Catholic” Assertion
• David McCaffrey on the Honoring MN State Representative Karen Clark at the 2004 CPCSM Annual Meeting
• 20 Years Stateside
• Sad News
• “I Have Never Felt Closer to Anyone in My Entire Life Than to David”
• God Is in the Roses
• Remembering David McCaffrey, One Year On

CPCSM and the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis (Part 6)

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The cover of the September 30, 1994 issue of Gaze Magazine, featuring Dignity Twin Cities president Brian McNeill (center) and CPCSM co-founders Bill Kummer (left) and David McCaffrey.

In sorting through material for the writing of my recent post "20 Years Stateside," I came across a copy of Gaze Magazine from September 1994. Gaze no longer exists, but back in 1994 it was an LGBT-focused print publication that served the Twin Cities area.

The September 30, 1994 issue of Gaze featured a cover story that examined "local GLBT Catholics' twenty-year struggle with the hierarchy." Specifically, this cover story, well-written by Zoé Diacou, interviewed people associated with Dignity Twin Cities, which was celebrating its 20th anniversary that year. I'd joined Dignity within weeks of my arrival in Minnesota, and its welcoming environment provided me my first opportunity to meet other gay Catholics. Diacou's article also includes insightful comments from two of the co-founders of the Catholic Pastoral Committee on Sexual Minorities (CPCSM), the organization I've served as executive coordinator since 2003. Both these co-founders, Bill Kummer and David McCaffrey, have since died (Bill in 2006, and David in 2011).

It's quite interesting to read this article twenty years after it was written (yes, twenty years – Dignity Twin Cities recently celebrated its 40th anniversary!) As you'll no doubt ascertain, many aspects of what it means to be gay and Catholic have changed, while others remain very much the same. The article is especially meaningful to me as it provides a very detailed and, at times, poignant snapshot of the Twin Cities' gay Catholic community of 1994, my first year in Minnesota.

A sidebar to Diacou's article publicized the upcoming October 27-29, 1994 visit of Bishop Thomas Gumbleton to the Twin Cities. As I document and discuss here, my participation in helping organize this visit was my first involvement with CPCSM. Writes Diacou: "A dialogue with gay and lesbian people, along with their families and friends, will be the hallmark of a visit to the Twin Cities by Bishop Thomas Gumbleton, Auxiliary Bishop of the Catholic Archdiocese of Detroit. . . . For the dialogue that will mark [the five events comprising his visit], Bishop Gumbleton will be invited first to listen and then to comment on how wholeness in sexual expression – as experienced by the people of God – is a value that is deeply human and truly spiritual."

It was a honor to be part of the planning of Bishop Gumbleton's October 1994 visit to the Twin Cities (right). Without doubt, it was an important and, in many ways, unprecedented event for both the local gay Catholic community and the church in general. Diacou's article in Gaze, reprinted in its entirety below, not only helped promote Bishop Gumbleton's visit, but also provided a helpful historical context for it.

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Crossing the Catholic Church

Local GLBT Catholics' 20-Year Struggle
with the Hierarchy

By Zoé Diacou

Gaze Magazine
September 30, 1994

Many gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons who once considered themselves Catholic are now "recovering Catholics." What about GLBT individuals for whom being Catholic is still a meaningful part of their identity? The upcoming 20th anniversary celebration of Dignity Twin Cities, the local chapter of a national organization of GLBT Catholics, offers a time for reflection on some of the paths chosen by local Catholics in our community.

The path of least resistance is where you go to mass, but never come out to your fellow parishioners – and probably never wrestle with issues involving gender, sexual orientation, or liberation theology. Following another path, you wander all over the theological map, or you give up on the church entirely. Perhaps you take the path to another, more welcoming Christian denomination, and try to find a compromise as a non-practicing Catholic. Opting for yet another path, you very vocally work for change from within the church structure, with or without the support of groups such as Dignity.


"A home for my spiritual self"

Beth Hentges, the current Treasurer and previous Outreach Director of Dignity Twin Cities, has a typical member's story to tell. She first started attending Dignity worship services, then held at the Lutheran/Episcopal Center at the University of Minnesota, in the fall of 1987, when she moved here from Michigan. Hentges was raised in a Catholic household and attended a Catholic college.

"When I came out," says Hentges, " I had to search my inner soul, and decide if I believed what I had been taught about gays and lesbians, particularly in respect to Christianity. And then if I didn't believe it, I had to decide if I was simply changing my attitudes and beliefs for my own convenience, or was what I had been taught really wrong?

"I was concerned that I was being wishy-washy, and that I might change all of my beliefs simply to suit me. I wondered how strong my faith really was. It finally came down to one question: what was Jesus' message? The answer was really very simple: to love. Therefore, how could loving be wrong?

"When I came to the Twin Cities," Hentges reveals, "the image that I had in my head was that lesbians were poor, pagan, and non-monogamous, and I didn't want to be any of those things. When I found Dignity, I not only found Catholic Christians, but I found men and women who were in long-term, committed relationships, and it was a great sense of relief." She laughingly admits that she's "still working on the poor part."

Hentges continues, "I felt I had found a home for myself, especially my spiritual self. I went to one of the 'gay' churches and felt accepted as a lesbian, but not as a Catholic." She then joined a Catholic parish in Richfield and got involved in a music group. But she felt virtually non-existent in that church even after a year.

"Most of the people I consider my close friends in the Twin Cities are people that I've met through Dignity," observes Hentges. "It has become a family to me, and is one of my homes. Not only does it provide me things which I need, but through my participation, I feel that I'm providing things that others may need. I am very conscientious about making people who are just coming out feel welcome at Dignity. It's such a big step, and we hope to provide a home for them, a home for their spiritual self."


Reforming church teaching

Since 1974, Dignity Twin Cities has been a place where many GLBT Catholics have found healing from their guilt-ridden consciences and the isolation imposed by the Church. However, the stated purpose of the organization is somewhat different. According to its mission statement, "Dignity is organized to unite gay and lesbian Catholics; to develop leadership; and to be an instrument through which we may be heard by the church and society." The traditional focus of Dignity USA, the national organization – using the strength-in-numbers philosophy – has been to build local chapters with as many official paid memberships as possible.

While that focus remains essential to the Twin Cities chapter, local president Brian McNeill believes, "We need to move politically into the churches, and tap support that exists there for gay and lesbian people in order to pursue the national organization's goal of reforming the church's teachings on gay and lesbian people. Many who get involved in other parishes are content to sit in their pews without addressing the larger political issues of our oppression in the Catholic Church."

"Dignity is our 'power base' where we can energize ourselves while we go out and work in the parishes," McNeill goes on. "We run into serious opposition, even from well-intentioned liberals, when it comes to risking a parish's name or reputation, or risking the displeasure of the archbishop. Straight people won't do that without a great deal of encouragement from gays and lesbians. When push comes to shove, [straight people] don't really think gay and lesbian people are truly oppressed, and thus won't risk anything."

"Archbishop [John] Roach has stated that as individuals we are welcome in any congregation in the Twin Cities, but Dignity as an organization is still not welcome. The direction we want to head in," note McNeill, "is to accept Roach's welcome, and go into the parishes to organize them to take stands that publicly welcome gay and lesbian people."


CPCSM

The history of the St. Paul-Minneapolis Archdiocese's response to GLBT Catholics dates back to at least 1977, when many claim it was due to heavy last-minute lobbying by the church that the first major attempt to legislate a state human rights amendment including gays and lesbians failed. In 1980, because Archbishop Roach refused to meet with Dignity as an organization, six individual members of the GLBT Catholic community – Donna Chicoine, Father Herb Hayek (a co-founder of Dignity), Bill Kummer, Donna Kurimay, David McCaffrey, and Cynthia Scott – arranged to meet with him to share their stories. Out of this meeting grew the Catholic Pastoral Committee on Sexual Minorities (CPCSM).

Today, CPCSM co-chair Bill Kummer reflects, "That meeting was a mistake. It set the tone for keeping us under control. It was a facade, a show. When all was said and done, we really had very little to show for it. CPCSM co-chair David McCaffrey adds, "The only good thing was that he didn't come out openly against us as gays and lesbians." Kummer states that "it was both a strength and a weakness that CPCSM wasn't an official part of the church, but mostly it was a strength."

CPCSM was organized to supplement what Dignity was doing. "Dignity was wonderful as a source of support for gay men [and some lesbians] just coming out of the closet," recalls McCaffrey. "Especially those from the pre-Vatican II era."

But many needed something more. "The Seventies were the golden era of the chapter -- both in the number of activities and the number of people involved [easily reaching 150 to 200 at one mass]. It has been more of a transitional place for most people. Many came out of a sense of guilt, and had issues to deal with, and after dealing with them, and experiencing some sense of reconciliation, they no longer had that need. others who thought more 'hierarchically' wanted the 'real' church, and thus returned to their parishes."

While active with Dignity, Kummer organized monthly luncheons at various parishes hosted by the local pastors, and attended by priests and other Dignity members. After the first year, the luncheons were opened to women (primarily from the religious communities and lay ministry). Within a few months, most of the priests stopped attending. In Kummer's words, "I think the priests stopped because the women were much more emotionally and intellectually honest with the issues, and the men couldn't handle such brutal honesty. The irony is that we were probably better off when they stopped coming. When we were dealing only with the priests, we were essentially still only dealing with the hierarchy, and weren't dealing with the gut-level issues of either [the priests'] own or their parishioners' sexuality."

Those parish lunches became the launching point for CPCSM. McCaffrey explains that for some of the Dignity members, "Our energies started turning towards those who hadn't made it to Dignity, and for the family and friends still in the parishes hearing degrading and demeaning things. People were coming to us, especially after the parish luncheons, wanting to know what they could do." As Kummer puts it, "There seem to be two churches. Between what goes on with the average parishioner, priest, or nun, and what goes on with the hierarchy, there exists a big gap."


"A place where I'm comfortable being gay"

McNeill, who was Dignity's official spokesperson from 1987 to 1991 during the court battle with the archdiocese after the group was evicted from the Newman Center, is very articulate about the seeming dichotomy in Dignity over the years. His story, while typical, is also different, as he has been able and willing to grapple with many of the theological and political issues which have created strife within the community. He had been in a seminary in New York, and returned to Minnesota to take care of his father, who had suffered a stroke. About that time, McNeill made the decision not to become a priest, and he wanted to be out as a gay man. Because his faith was still very important to him, he sought out the local Dignity chapter when he moved back here in 1985.

"It's been a faith community for me. It's been a place where I'm comfortable being gay. The relief that I felt in being in a gay environment was real important to me in the beginning, after moving in a het environment the rest of the time. It's become a family to me, and I would miss it if it weren't there.

"However, Dignity is not for everyone, It's focused on being gay and Catholic. It's small, and some people may not like certain personalities in the organization. For some, it's a scheduling problem; for others, they don't feel comfortable about attending without being paid members, but they can't afford the $50.00 annual membership fee. [NOTE: Dignity Twin Cities no longer has membership dues.]

"On average there are 20-30 people at a service. There are currently about 40 paid members to Dignity USA from the Twin Cities. Membership gives you the national, regional, and local newsletters, and mailings from a few other organizations, like Women's Ordination Conference or New Ways Ministry. The membership peaked in 1987, with about 100 and 200 people attending services at the Newman Center."


Too conservative for some, too liberal for others

In McNeill's opinion, two factors account for the decrease in membership over the years: first, the official condemnation in Cardinal Josef Ratzinger's 1986 letter On the Pastoral Care of Homosexual Persons, and, second, Dignity's internal struggles with feminist theology, and the role of women in Dignity and in the church. "After being pushed out by Roach, many decided, 'forget the church,' and decided to cut their losses. With more women entering the group and assuming leadership roles, they had problems with the white male language and hierarchy, and rightfully so. That pretty much eliminated many of the more conservative men. Others left because they didn't want to spend Friday nights in theological debates, and many women lift because the chapter wasn't moving fast enough."

Hentges agrees. "After getting kicked out of Catholic space, some members thought they should be really good Catholics on every issue except for this [the gay issue], and if we show them what good Catholics we are, maybe they'll invite us back. Others decided that since we've been kicked out, we're now free to decide what being Catholic means, and to experiment and find the types of worship that works for us. Many of the men held the first view, and many of the women held the second approach to having been kicked out.

"So, the upshot was that many people left Dignity across the board." Hentges continues, "some because Dignity was being too conservative for them, others because Dignity was being too liberal for them. Also, Spirit of the Lakes was really getting going then, and we lost some members to them.

"We eventually came to the consensus of having worship under two different formats, utilizing both traditional and non-traditional liturgies. We meet the second and fouth Friday of every month. On the second Friday there is usually a Catholic mass, and the fourth Friday is often a non-traditional liturgy which is lay-led. That service is often thematic, sometimes resembling the eucharist, sometimes a reconciliation service. Sometimes it's a soul-searching prayer service, sometimes we have special speakers. Recently, speakers have come from PFLAG and Lambda Justice Center."

Hentges points out, "Then, those who were only comfortable with one format could choose to go to only one or the other. Most of us who attend regularly, however, go to both, and are comfortable theologically with it."

"For that reason, this chapter is ahead of most of the other chapters across the nation on women's issues. Most other chapters simply come together for mass, and haven't really thought through as a chapter many of the theological issues in Catholicism, like what about women being ordained; what about women or Protestant ministers presiding at eucharistic services; what about other forms of prayer other than mass or eucharistic services; what about a concerted effort to use inclusive language in the services, both in reference to God and to people. While Dignity USA has a women's concerns committee, most chapter members are still predominately male.

"The Twin Cities chapter has worked through these issues to the point where we've either reached an agreement, or at least have come to the current working format in order to meet the needs of all of our members," Hentges observes. "It's not a male/female issue, but historically the division has fallen along those lines."

Adds McNeill, "Those who stayed valued the organization and the people in the organization more than their theological positions. All of us are occasionally unhappy with the form of prayer we have from time to time, but recognize that you can't have it your way all the time."

"One of the most exciting things that's been happening," notes Hentges, "is our recent work with local parishes who are considering becoming a 'reconciling parish' [meaning that gays and lesbians are welcome to participate in all aspects of parish life, that the parish even allows holy union ceremonies and provides information in the religious education of children]. But we continue to struggle with how to reach out to other GLBT Catholics [or 'sexual minorities'] and their friends and families in the community, to tell them that it's okay to be gay and Catholic, and here's a place where it is okay."


Moving beyond the hierarchical model of church

CPCSM's mission has changed over the years, though sometimes in ways similar to Dignity's. About three years ago, "A conversion of heart took place for CPCSM," as Kummer describes it. "We realized we'd been focusing on the wrong place. Instead of trying to 'convert' or educate the hierarchy, we finally said, 'who cares what the archbishop thinks?' and started realizing that we needed to create our own model of church. The hierarchical model is not the only one. The church is the people. It doesn't have to start at the top and filter down, but it can start with the people and go up." McCaffrey concurs. "It's my church as much as the pope's."

Though neither Kummer nor McCaffrey has felt able to worship regularly at any parish, primarily as a result of personal and spiritual burnout and betrayal, they have steered CPCSM toward working with local parishes through seminars, lectures, and videotapes. They want to revive the support group for families of gay and lesbian Catholics which was formerly sponsored by the archdiocese. Kummer and McCaffrey – looking to begin a group for Catholic GLBT teens, and to reach out to the adult children and heterosexual spouses of GLBT Catholics – are working jointly with a group of Sisters of St. Joseph of Carondelet and a Christian Brother.

McNeill and his partner are members of St. Frances Cabrini Church in southeast Minneapolis. Hentges and her partner belong to St. Stephen's in Minneapolis. Current Dignity members also attend the Basilica of St. Mary and St. Albert the Great, both in Minneapolis. Other parishes which have had CPCSM seminars, and have now gone beyond to begin their own exploration of gay and lesbian issues, include St. Joan of Arc and St. Olaf in Minneapolis; St. Stanislaus and St. Cecilia in St. Paul; Pax Christi in Eden Prairie; and St. Stephen in Anoka.

– Zoé Diacou
Gaze Magazine
Issue 226, September 30, 1994

Above: Beth Hentges, pictured in 2013 with her and her partner's two boys.

Above: Brian McNeill – June 2013. Brian currently serves as the webmaster for Dignity Twin Cities' website.

Above: David McCaffrey in November 2004, pictured with me and my friend Raph, who was visiting from Australia at that time.



In Zoé Diacou 1994 article it's noted that David McCaffrey felt unable to worship regularly at any parish, "primarily as a result of personal and spiritual burnout and betrayal." Thankfully, by the time of his death, David had for many years found a welcoming and supportive spiritual home at St. Stanislaus Catholic Church in St. Paul. Indeed, at his funeral mass on July 15, 2011, a beautiful portrait of David and his partner Michael adorned the sanctuary (above), the same sacred space from which Michael delivered a heartfelt eulogy to his partner of thirteen-and-a-half years. To read this eulogy and for images of the mass, click here.

Above: Two years before his death in 2006, Bill Kummer fulfilled a longtime goal of becoming a Consociate of the Sisters of St. Joseph of Carondelet – St. Paul Province. Pictured above (from left): Ginna Webb, CSJ; Tom White, Brigid McDonald, CSJ; Martin Dohmen; Mary Lynn Murphy; Darlene White; Bill Kummer; Florence Steichen, CSJ; Chuck Rice; Alice Rice; and Kate McDonald, CSJ.

Bill's journey with the CSJs definitely inspired my own journey. I was welcomed into the CSJ community as a consociate in 2007 (see here and here).


See also the previous Wild Reed posts:
• CPCSM and the Archdiocese of St. Paul-Minneapolis (Part 1)
• CPCSM and the Archdiocese of St. Paul-Minneapolis (Part 2)
• CPCSM and the Archdiocese of St. Paul-Minneapolis (Part 3)
• CPCSM and the Archdiocese of St. Paul-Minneapolis (Part 4)
• CPCSM and the Archdiocese of St. Paul-Minneapolis (Part 5)
• How Times Have Changed
• For the Record
• CPCSM’s Year in Review – 2006 (includes an announcement of the January 29 death of CPCSM co-founder Bill Kummer.)
• Sad News (The Wild Reed's July 10, 2011 announcement of David McCaffrey's death.)

CPCSM and the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis (Part 5)

Today is the third anniversary of the death of my friend and colleague David McCaffrey (1947-2011), co-founder of the Catholic Pastoral Committee on Sexual Minorities (CPCSM).

To commemorate David on this special day I share an excerpt from an article he wrote for the Spring 2005 issue of The Rainbow Spirit, CPCSM's print journal from 1998 to 2008. This particular issue celebrates CPCSM's 25th anniversary, and in its cover story, "Looking Back Over 25 Years," David provides an overview of the organization's roots in Dignity Twin Cities and its subsequent development as an independent, unique, and ground-breaking coalition dedicated to honoring and sharing the spiritual journeys and insights of LGBT Catholics and their families.

The sharing of this excerpt from David's 2005 article also serves as the fifth installment of The Wild Reed series dedicated to documenting the relationship between CPCSM and the Archdiocese of St. Paul-Minneapolis. Highlighting this past relationship is important as today there are some within the hierarchy of the local church who would like to downplay or even deny that this relationship ever existed.

NOTE: To read about events in CPCSM's history that immediately preceded those highlighted in the following excerpt, click here.

_____________________________

An excerpt from
Looking Back Over 25 Years

By David McCaffrey
The Rainbow Spirit
Volume 7, Issue 1 – Spring 2005

CPCSM's first board meeting was held in September of 1980 and soon thereafter we began to convene a committee, which I chaired, to plan the Pastoral Needs Assessment Survey Project. This project became our primary focus over the next four years. In all, 250 gay and lesbian Catholics and 85 family members returned survey forms, which included many poignant responses to the survey's numerous open-ended questions. In May of 1984 the study's 125-page report was published and its findings presented at our annual meeting. The first of its kind, the report was subsequently sold to hundreds of pastoral ministers and ministry groups, locally as well as throughout the country. A few were even requested by ministers and groups in other countries.

Next, CPCSM took Archbishop John Roach up on his offer of access to his departmental heads by inviting many of them and other key pastoral leaders in the archdiocese to a series of informal luncheons. These meetings provided us with an ideal venue for presenting these administrators with our study's findings as well as its recommendations.

In summary, the message from the survey respondents to the official Church was simple: first they asked that the Church break its conspiracy of silence and acknowledge their existence. Second, they requested that the Church treat them on an equal basis with all other Church members. Finally, they asked that they be allowed to share their many talents with the Church and to engage the Church in a mutual ministry process. It was the respondents' hope that as the pastoral workers ministered to GLBT persons, they would also be open to all the ways that GLBT persons could educate and minister to them and other members of the Church. Since the publication of the Pastoral Needs Assessment Survey Report and up to the present time, CPCSM has been actively attempting to implement its recommendations through a wide range of programs and activities.

After our formal gatherings with departmental administrators of the archdiocese and other pastoral leaders, it became clear to us that much more work would be needed. At that point, we made the decision to focus our energies at the parish level, especially since we already had so many allies from the earlier Dignity-sponsored monthly speaker-luncheons. At about the same time we also decided to maximize the number of people we could reach through a story-telling process by producing a video tape depicting people sharing their personal stories that could be used as part of an educational effort. The sharing of our faith journey, after all, had been a hallmark of CPCSM from its inception.


Silent Journeys of Faith

Soon thereafter a number of important aspects of the video production began to fall into place. Quite by accident, Bill Kummer and I met Lynn Miller, a member of the Newman Community., who expressed concern about the justice issues involved with Dignity Twin Cities' struggles with the archdiocese over the use of meeting space at the Newman Center. Lynn, a very creative and articulate lesbian who then was a professional writer and would later receive a Doctorate in Theology from Harvard Divinity School, was very happy to share her poignant story on tape.

Next, I learned that a co-worker at the University of Minnesota was in training as a videographer. He agreed to co-produce the video with us, as well as to do all of the filming and the post-filming technical work. He requested a small stipend – about 1% of what a professional studio would have charged and all that our meager budget could afford. To make the video more inclusive in its message, we approached John Billig, a long-time Dignity member and frequent musician at the Friday night liturgies who was in a 10-year committed relationship. We asked John to tell his story on tape. John had painfully come to terms with his same-sex orientation as a teenager growing up in a strict charismatic Catholic family in a small rural community and at that time was still enduring his mother's rejection of his sexual orientation and of his committed relationship with his partner.

Finally, Deacon Roger Urbanski and his wife Donna, Catholic parents of a gay son, agreed to share their journey in the video. We hd first heard Roger and Donna's story at a Dignity post-liturgy meeting on a Friday night in the spring of 1980. The theme of the evening was "Family Night," and all members were asked to invite their family members or friends. The Urbanskis, along with two of their non-gay children, were keynote speakers.

We premiered the video, entitled Silent Journeys of Faith: Gay and Lesbian Persons in the Catholic Church, at CPCSM's annual meeting in May, 1988. It received a favorable reception, especially since it was made at such a reduced cost and in spite of the fact that it lacked some of the polish of a more professional production.

It soon became clear, however, that the video could be best used for educational purposes with the help of a companion training manual. Hence we contracted with a GLBT curriculum specialist who created for us a five-session seminar series described in great detail in a 115-page training manual that she authored. The video took on an important role in the series as a consciousness-raising tool and a stimulus for discussion among the seminar participants. To reflect the connection between the video and its companion manual, we entitled the booklet Sharing Silent Journeys of Faith; Embracing Our Exiled Gay Brothers and Lesbian Sisters.

Following our original strategy to focus on parishes in our outreach projects, and with our video and guidebook in hand, we created the Parish-Based Gay and Lesbian Ministry Project. This initiative spanned the years 1990-1995, during which time we conducted the seminar series in about 25 parishes of the archdiocese and for a wide range of parish audiences: priests, pastoral ministers, parish council members, members of various parish committees, and parish volunteers. The results of this initiative continue to this day in the form of various official parish-based GLBT ministries at a number of Catholic parishes. [NOTE: The slow dismantlement of these parish-based ministries by the chancery, starting in 2007, the final year of Archbishop Harry Flynn's tenure and the year of John Nienstedt's tenure as coadjutor archbishop, was a source of both sadness and frustration for David in the last years of his life.] Beyond the Twin Cities, the seminar series has been requested by a wide range of Catholic pastoral professionals from across the United States as well as a few working in foreign countries.

– David McCaffrey

Excerpted from "Looking Back Over 25 Years"
Rainbow Spirit 25th Anniversary Issue
Spring 2005

See also the previous Wild Reed posts:
Sad News (The Wild Reed's July 10, 2011 announcement of David McCaffrey's death.)
"I Have Never Felt Closer to Anyone in My Entire Life Than to David" (David's partner Michael Douglas eulogizes his husband of 13-and-a-half years.)
God is in the Roses . . . (Photos and commentary from David's funeral Mass.)
Out and About – July 2011
Remembering David McCaffrey, One Year On
CPCSM Co-founder Responds to "Not Catholic" Assertion
History Matters
Far from "Innocuous" (David's 2008 response to Stephen’s Heaney’s defense of Coadjutor Archbishop Nienstedt’s “innocuous” statements on homosexuality.)
CPCSM and the Archdiocese of St. Paul-Minneapolis (Part 1)
CPCSM and the Archdiocese of St. Paul-Minneapolis (Part 2)
CPCSM and the Archdiocese of St. Paul-Minneapolis (Part 3)
CPCSM and the Archdiocese of St. Paul-Minneapolis (Part 4)
How Times Have Changed
For the Record

An Inspiring Evening of Conversation and Camaraderie

Last night I had the honor and pleasure of hosting an evening of conversation and camaraderie that brought together some very inspiring people. Special guests at this gathering were Sr. Jeannine Gramick and Francis DeBernardo from the national organization New Ways Ministry, which describes itself as "a gay-positive ministry of advocacy and justice for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) Catholics, and reconciliation within the larger Christian and civil communities."

In addition, there was a number of local Catholics who have for many years and in a variety of ways been advocating for and ministering with LGBT Catholics and their families and friends. Many of those gathered had worked to defeat last year's proposed 'marriage amendment.' Some of the local organizations represented included the Catholic Pastoral Committee on Sexual Minorities (CPCSM), Catholics for Marriage Equality MN (C4ME-MN), Dignity Twin Cities, the Catholic Coalition for Church Reform (CCCR), the Council of the Baptized, and the Spirit of St. Stephen's Catholic Community.

Left: Jeannie Gramick, SL, with theologian Bill Hunt.

Jeannine, co-founder in 1977 of New Ways Ministry, has for over three decades been a prophetic voice for LGBT Catholics and an astute critic of the Vatican's impoverished understanding of homosexuality and of the gifts that LGBT people offer both the church and wider society. She's also an informed and eloquent speaker and writer, and the subject of the award-winning documentary, In Good Conscience.

In May of this year, Jeannie debated Bishop Thomas Paprocki of Springfield, Illinois on marriage equality at an event organized by Robert Blair Kaiser and the Jesuit Alumni of Arizona. For a transcript of Jeannine's remarks, click here. For the National Catholic Reporter's coverage of the debate, click here.

Above: Standing at left with Francis DeBernardo, executive director of New Ways Ministry, and Kathleen Olsen, my good friend and fellow CPCSM/C4ME-MN board member – July 9, 2013.

As well as serving as New Ways Ministry's executive director, Frank is also the editor of the group's excellent blog, Bondings 2.0, which provides timely news updates, quality commentary, and spiritual/theological reflections on current Catholic LGBT issues.

Above: Darlene White, Paula Ruddy, Jeannine Gramick, and Cheryl Maloney.

Jeannine and Frank were in Minnesota to present a workshop at last weekend's DignityUSA National Convention, held at the Minneapolis Hilton. My friend and fellow C4ME-MN board member Jim Smith serves as DignityUSA's program manager, and in the lead-up to the July 4-7 convention had an informative article published in the Twin Cities' Lavender magazine, entitled "Queer and Dignified . . . and Catholic. Huh?."

When Frank first contacted me about the possibility of him and Jeannine meeting with local Catholics working on LGBT issues, he noted that their main purpose was "a sort of ‘fact-finding’" one. They were eager to learn more about what has been going on with local Catholic folks around LGBT issues, and were open to sharing with us any helpful information and insights they might have. It was, therefore, very much an evening of sharing and discussing of recent successes and ongoing challenges.

Right: Paula Ruddy, who's been described as the "matriarch of the Catholic reform movement" in the Twin Cities, and Fr. Mike Tegeder, who was the only active priest in the Archdiocese of St. Paul-Minneapolis to publicly challenge Archbishop Nienstedt's anti-marriage equality activism.

Left: CPCSM and C4ME-MN board members Brent Vanderlinden and Mary Beckfeld.

Above: With Fr. John Brandes, who in May 2012 joined with two other retired Catholic priests to speak out against the proposed 'marriage amendment.' John is also the inspiration for the character of "Father Brandon" in my semi-autobiographical Wild Reed series The Journal of James Curtis.

Above: Jeannine Gramick, Lisa Vanderlinden
and Paula Ruddy – July 9, 2013.

Above: Brent, Mary and Kathleen.

Above: Henry, Ron and Jay.

Without doubt it was a very enjoyable and inspiring evening, with many recent highlights shared and a number of strategies and hopes expressed concerning the building of a Catholic Church truly welcoming of LGBT people.

One of the things I shared as executive coordinator of CPCSM/Catholics for Marriage Equality MN was the results of the questionnaire that we had visitors complete when they stopped by our booth at the recent Twin Cities Pride festival. I'll share these results in a future post at both The Wild Reed and Sensus Fidelium, the blogsite of Catholics for Marriage Equality MN.

One final thing I'll mention about last night's gathering: Because it took place on the second anniversary of the death of CPCSM co-founder David McCaffrey, we remembered David's life and legacy during a time of prayer at the beginning of our evening together. We all noted how appropriate it was that we were gathering on this special anniversary so as to talk and strategize about local LGBT Catholic organizing. In so doing, we were continuing David's groundbreaking work and vision for a better church.

I envision and work to create a Church that is open
and responsive to the needs and gifts of all its members;
a Church that is meaningful and nurturing of all,
and one that recognizes the equal status of all.

– David J. McCaffrey

1947 – 2011

See also the previous Wild Reed posts:
Sister Jeannine Gramick Asks: "Who Speaks for Catholics?"
Beyond Papalism
Francis DeBernardo: "The Church is Better Because of the Presence of LGBT People"
Quote of the Day – June 26, 2013
Acknowledging, Celebrating, and Learning from Marriage Equality's 'Triumphs of Faith'
An Energizing and Spirited Weekend
Remembering David McCaffrey, One Year On