Showing posts with label Bisexuality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bisexuality. Show all posts

Monday, March 14, 2022

“This Is Indeed Part of My Queer Agenda . . .”

Every time the word “gay” rolls off my tongue – when the words “queer” or “intersex” or “trans” or “nonbinary” or “bisexual” bless my lips – no matter what I’m talking about, I am also, always, sending a love letter, casting a lifeline, praying a prayer, and yes, obviously, waving a flag.

So many generations of silence and slurs, of words of violence and of quiet, lonely does-anyone-else-in-the-world-feel-this-way? My heart could burst every time I speak the imperfect but earnest attempts at finding ways to communicate lineages of “us.” Every word, a reaching toward each other. A “you’re not alone” or a “we got each other” and a “isn’t it divine, being this way?” It’s never too early to start teaching this love language and planting these seeds of assurance. Just thinking about it makes me want to sing the whole queer lexicon to the tune of ABCs to every new born baby. “Asexual, Bisexual, Cubs, and Dykes . . .”

Train a child up in the way they should go, says the scriptures. And I want them all to go queerly, go freely, go in belonging. I want us to raise a whole generation of kids who never learn to hate themselves. Or to treat others like monsters. Or that there’s anyone even god is against.

This is indeed part of my queer agenda: To expose children as early as possible to all the possibilities of their beautiful becoming. To leave no doubt that whichever way their love blossoms and their gender blooms and their body unfurls, they will be protected, cherished, celebrated, loved. In the world as it is, to even begin to balance out all the messages otherwise, these things cannot be said enough. So we say them in every form they take across languages and cultures. We say them as early and as often as we can. We say them, especially, when they’re not welcome. We say them with all the love we’ve got and we will never, never stop.



Related Off-site Links:
Florida Just Passed the “Don’t Say Gay” Bill. Here’s What It Means for Kids – Madeleine Carlisle (TIME, March 8, 2022).
At Home With the Families Affected by Texas’s New Anti-Trans Orders – Rachel Monroe (The New Yorker, March 9, 2022).
ACLU Files Suit Over Texas Investigation Into Parents of Trans Child – Julia Conley (Common Dreams, March 1, 2022).

See also the previous Wild Reed posts:
The Affirmation Declaration
Day of Silence Prayer
Our Lives as LGBTQI People: “Garments Grown in Love”
Jim Smith on the “Tears of Love and Faith” of LGBTI People and Their Families
Minnesota Catholics, LGBT Students, and the Ongoing Work of Creating Safe and Supportive Schools
GSAs and the Catholic High School Setting
An Inspiring Event
A Girl Named Sara: A “Person of the Resurrection”
Confronting Classroom Homophobia
Stephanie Beatriz on the Truth of Being Bi
The Bisexual: “Living Consciously in the Place Where the Twain Meet”
Putting a Human Face on the “T” of “GLBT”
Trans 101
Catholics Recognize and Celebrate the Truth of Transgender People: “Their Quest for Authenticity Is a Quest for Holiness”
Lisa Leff on Five Things to Know About Transgender People
Signs and Wonders
Signs and Wonders Continue

Saturday, June 30, 2018

Stephanie Beatriz on the Truth of Being Bi

The Wild Reed's 2018 Queer Appreciation series continues with an excerpt from actress Stephanie Beatriz's recent GQ article in which she shares her experience of being bisexual.

I’m bi, and I'm getting married this fall. I’m excited, nervous, terrified, and so fucking happy. I’m choosing to get married because this particular person brings out the best in me. This person happens to be a man. I’m still bi.

To be bi is a continual series of coming-out moments – first to yourself, maybe as you leaf through old magazines and stare at a picture of Rita Moreno’s legs and come to terms with badly wanting to touch them (this is me). Maybe next it’s to your sister, who warns you in no uncertain terms not to tell your parents until you're serious about a girl because they will flip the fuck out (this is . . . also me). Then maybe you come out to your college friends, who will ask jokingly if you are gay or straight, this and every weekend (you guessed it: me). Maybe you then muster up the intense courage it takes to come out to your parents, who calmly ignore it. And then you’ll brace yourself and come out again and again and again to every person you’ll ever date. When does it end? When do you get to stop telling people you're bi? When do people start to grasp that this is your truth? When do you get to slide easily through life with everyone assuming your sexuality correctly? When do you start seeing yourself reflected positively in all (hey, even any?) of the media you consume?

You’ve guessed the answer, haven't you?

Bisexuality often needs an explanation. It isn’t something you can often “read” on a person, and because of that bi people sometimes feel like an invisible part of the LGBTQIA community. People’s sexuality is often defined by who we’re partnered with at any given moment, which can be a frustrating limitation for me. I’ve had countless tiny “coming out” moments in my life, often simply to explain to someone else that they have misjudged my sexuality based on who they saw me dating. Now I have a small platform of visibility, because I’m on a fun and (if I do say so myself) damn good television show. I’ve chosen to use that platform to speak openly about my bi-ness, because of other people who may feel invisible and unsure of whether or not to come out as bisexual.

A lot of stuff rolls around in your head when you’re wondering about whether or not you should come out as bi: If I pass as straight, why should I have that possibly uncomfortable and maybe dangerous “I’m bi” talk with my family, friends, community? If I’m in a same-sex relationship, shouldn't I “stay gay” and not upset the status quo? How much detail should I give people about myself and my sexuality? (Because, to be honest, sexuality is an intimate thing that I’m still in the process of discovering daily – that's the nature of all of our sexualities.)

Here’s the thing about sexual drive that some people like to deny: It’s around even after you commit to one partner. You may still want to fantasize about people, want to kiss them, to fuck them. Or maybe you do none of the above, but the kinds of people you were and are attracted to are still the kinds of people you were and are attracted to. I know I’m bi because I’ve stared at the shine from a girl’s hair much longer than you would if you were just admiring it because you wanted to know what conditioner she uses. I know I’m bi because in high school, I once stalked a very adorable blond boy so much I knew exactly when he would be at the water fountain between 3rd and 4th period classes and used it as an opportunity to get close enough to check out his JNCO-covered butt while he leaned over to drink.

. . . Speaking from personal experience, it feels so fucking good to be out. It’s still scary sometimes – I feel like an outsider so often. But those moments of discomfort are worth it, because living authentically gives me so much joy and feels so honest and good. In October, I will marry a heterosexual man. We’ll make vows that I will take very seriously – till death do us part. But I’ll be bi till the day I die, baby, and I vow to myself to always sing that truth.

– Stephanie Beatriz
Excerpted from "Stephanie Beatriz Is Bi and Proud as Hell"
GQ
June 21, 2018


NEXT: Queer Native Americans,
Colonialism, and the Fourth of July


See also the previous Wild Reed posts:
The Bisexual: "Living Consciously and Continually in the Place Where the Twain Meet"
Bi God, Somebody Listen
John Schlesinger's Sunday Bloody Sunday: "A Genuinely Radical Film"
Alexander's Great Love
"This Light Breeze That Loves Me"

Image: Elizabeth Weinberg/GQ.


Wednesday, November 05, 2014

John Schlesinger's Sunday Bloody Sunday: "A Genuinely Radical Film"

A few months back I watched with my friends Rick and Brian the 1971 British film Sunday Bloody Sunday. Written by Penelope Gilliatt and directed by John Schlesinger, the film stars Peter Finch, Glenda Jackson and Murray Head.

Sunday Bloody Sunday tells the story of a young bisexual artist (Head) and his simultaneous relationships with a female recruitment consultant (Jackson) and a male Jewish doctor (Finch). It should be noted that the film was released before the 1972 shooting by the British Army of unarmed protesters in Derry, Northern Ireland, an event dubbed "Bloody Sunday."



Above: John Schlesinger directs Glenda Jackson and Murray Head in a scene from Sunday Bloody Sunday.


Although I'd seen snippets of the film before, I'd never actually had the opportunity to sit down and watch it in its entirety. I appreciated, therefore, my friend's Rick invitation to view the blu-ray of the film. Aspects of Sunday Bloody Sunday definitely resonate with me. These aspects include its slightly hippy vibe and, believe it or not, the clothing and hairstyles. This is no doubt due to the fact that my earliest memories are from the time of the late '60s/early '70s. Glenda Jackson epitomizes, in my view, "the look," or at least one memorable look, for western women of that era. Indeed, her style of eye make-up and eye-brow shaping brings back early memories of my mother and my Aunt Ruth!

Apart from these personal appeals, Sunday Bloody Sunday also appeals to me because of the important role it played in breaking down stereotypes in the movies of non-heterosexual people and relationships. For more about this I share the following excerpt from the essay "Something Better," contained in the booklet of Criterion's 2012 blu-ray release of the film. This essay is written by writer and academic Ian Buruma, a nephew of the film's director, John Schlesinger. (Buruma appears as extra in the film's bar mitzvah party scene, shot on location at the Cafe Royal.) As you'll see, Buruma considers his uncle's film to be "genuinely radical" – not because of its nonchalant exploration of a "love triangle" or of bisexuality, but because of its depiction of normality around its gay male character, Daniel Hirsh. As portrayed by Peter Finch, Hirsh is "an ordinary, professional adult, unburdened by morbid discretion or neurotic campiness." This is significant, Buruma notes, because "gay characters in the movies had to that point almost always been depicted as deviants . . . or limp-wristed, lisping creatures. . . . An upper-middle-class doctor and his boyfriend kissing on the lips, casually, affectionately, no different from any straight couple, was a much greater challenge."


There is . . . a great deal of John [Schlesinger] in Daniel Hirsh, the gay doctor in the film, played beautifully by Peter Finch. As though by osmosis Finch even managed to sound a bit like him, the same deep voice speaking in perfectly articulated sentences.

Like Hirsh, John's father, Bernard Schlesinger, was a medical doctor. After hearing John describe the film he wanted to make, on a country walk near my grandfather's house in rural Berkshire, he exclaimed: "But John, do you really have to make him Jewish as well?" Yes, John insisted, he did.

The tension between Jewish family life, not traditionally friendly to homosexuality, and Hirsh's gay private life is an essential part of the story – and of John's own, although his sexual preferences were entirely accepted by his parents. Hirsh wants to feel at home in both worlds, and he shrugs with resigned good humor at the hints from various relatives that he should meet this or that nice Jewish woman and "settle down." For Hirsh, attending his nephew's bar mitzvah is as much a part of his life, as "normal," as spending a weekend in and out of bed with his lover, the charming, egotistical artist Bob Elkin (Murray Head).



This sense of normality is the most radical aspect of the film. Gay characters in the movies had to that point almost always been depicted as deviants – criminals, tormented drunks, or limp-wristed, lisping creatures – allowing straight audiences to feel superior or comfortably amused. An upper-middle-class doctor and his boyfriend kissing on the lips, casually, affectionately, no different from any straight couple, was a much greater challenge.

I remember my uncle talking about the famous kiss scene between Peter Finch and Murray Head (both straight men, as it happens). He didn't want it to be coy, and certainly not sleazy; the camera should be neither prurient nor primly looking away. The kiss was just a kiss between two loving people, And yet to film this natural act naturalistically was still so unusual that the camera operator could not bear to look at it, and asked John whether it was really necessary. Again, John had to insist that it was.

The depiction of a homosexual as an ordinary, professional adult, unburdened by morbid discretion or neurotic campiness, was a departure for John as well. Perhaps this had something to do with his own life; he had recently "settled down" himself, with an American photographer. There were gay characters, or homoerotic themes, in earlier films: the photographer (played by Roland Curram) in Darling (1965), for example, or the two main characters in Midnight Cowboy (1969). But the former does conform to a certain stereotype: fun, a little swish, basically lonely. Midnight Cowboy can be seen as a celebration of male love, but there is no hint of sex between the aspiring hustler, Joe Buck (Jon Voight), and the Italian American vagrant, Ratso Rizzo (Dustin Hoffman). What sex there is in the film, gay or straight, is rather brutal. One gay boy (played by the young Bob Balaban) is almost assaulted by the hustler in the toilet of a cinema on Forty-second Street, and a gay man is mugged in his hotel room.

The change in John's personal life coincided, of course, with changes around him. The Stonewall riots happened a year after Midnight Cowboy was made. In fact, that film's bleak view of gay life in New York was criticized by activists for not being sufficiently progressive. but those critics did not necessarily warm to a genuinely radical film about a nice Jewish doctor, either. John was never an activist, but Sunday Bloody Sunday was certainly linked to the social changes of the late 1960s. His film, he often said, was his way of coming out, something that he always suspected did not do him any favors in Hollywood.

Although Sunday Bloody Sunday is his most personal film, many of his movies show his particular sensibility. Never drawn to heroes, John was fascinated instead by marginal characters whom some people might describe as failures.

. . . Sunday Bloody Sunday [like Schlesinger's earlier films] explores the choice between acceptance of what is and the quest for something better. Bob is a child of the sixties, detached, promiscuous, unwilling to commit to anyone. Alex, the woman in the triangle, played by Glenda Jackson, demands a commitment from him. She refuses to settle for a shared arrangement. Not a dreamer, she nonetheless wants something more perfect than what she has got. Sometimes, she says, nothing is better than something.

In the extraordinary final scene of the film, Daniel Hirsh lays down his philosophy, which is very close to John's. In a sudden departure from the naturalistic style of the rest of the movie, Finch turns off the recorded Italian lesson he is working on, faces the camera, and explains why he is prepared to settle for the imperfect relationship with his restless, undependable young lover. Sometimes, he says, half a loaf is better than nothing.

John often told me that he didn't count himself among the great cinematic innovators: Fellini, Mizoguchi, Buñuel. Nor was he political in the way that Godard was, or Oshima, or Lindsay Anderson. The directors he most admired were humanists: Truffaut, Ozu, Satyajit Ray. Like them, he viewed human behavior with a wry sense of humor rather than with outrage. But there was a dark streak running through his humanism, a fascination with human cruelty and violence.

This fascination is less evident in Sunday Bloody Sunday than in some other films of his. but there is nothing mawkish about the film, either. The style of his storytelling here, as in all his movies, owes a great deal to his background as a documentary filmmaker. What he sometimes called "the acid eye" reveals itself in details: the strung-out young hustler who recognizes Hirsh as a former pickup, the drunken woman humiliating her husband at a party, the half-innocent but cutting knowingness of a young girl, the constant news of economic crisis on the radio.

Some of the details reflect the time, place, and milieu of the story – upper-middle-class London in the early 1970s. And times have changed, including attitudes toward homosexuality. But the film has not dated, as so many more political movies have. For the emotions explored with such mastery by John Schlesinger are timeless. He shows us a glimpse of the human condition. Which is why we can be moved by this extraordinary film, over and over and over again.

– Ian Buruma




Recommended Off-site Links:
Sunday Bloody Sunday Review – Roger Ebert (RogerEbert.com, January 1, 1971).
Sunday Bloody Sunday: A Review – Vincent Canby (The New York Times, September 22, 1971).

See also the previous Wild Reed posts:
Chris Mason Johnson's Test: A Film that "Illuminates Why Queer Cinema Still Matters"
On Brokeback Mountain: Remembering Queer Lives and Loves Never Fully Realized
"This Light Breeze That Loves Me"
George Maharis: Man of Courage
A Third Oscar for Glenda!


Thursday, June 21, 2012

Bi God, Somebody Listen

By Guest Writer
Philip Jacquet-Morrison


Note: The Wild Reed's 2012 Queer Appreciation series continues with a thoughtful reflection on bisexuality by my good friend Phil. (To start at the beginning of this series, click here.)


A little over a year ago I dated a man who joked that bisexuality is “gay-layaway”, e.g., “bi now, gay later.” Normally, I would be able to brush this off, but as I reflected upon it, I realized this “joke” bothered me. Even little remarks like that hint at a subtle prejudice that exists within the GLBT community. There are times when I wonder if there's an invisible line separating the BT in GLBT. (Transgender people may feel the same way, but as I'm not transgender, I cannot speak on the topic.) Bisexual people don't seem to get much attention in mainstream queer media. I can't remember the last time Lavender or Equality reported on someone who's openly bisexual, or a film or TV show portrayed bisexuals as something other than psychopaths, sex-maniacs, or the butt of jokes.

In a way, I'm not surprised. Truthfully, there isn't an easy way in which bisexual people can be visible since we tend to make assumptions about people's relationships based on the sex of their partner. When we see a heterosexual couple we tend to assume they're both heterosexual, just as we assume both partners in a homosexual relationship are homosexual. I do realize that the majority of people in the queer community identify as gay or lesbian, but that doesn't mean everyone is, and if we don't correct people, that assumption persists. People have tried to tell me I'm overreacting, usually dressing it up in language akin to “What does it matter? Gay, lesbian, bisexual, it's all the same essentially.” Therein lies the problem, because bisexuality is not the same thing.

I once tried to explain to someone what it's like being bisexual, but found myself stymied to come up with a better analogy than “some people like the opposite sex, some like the same sex, and I like both.” I feel that promotes a tendency among people to approximate bisexuality as being “half-gay” or “partially straight”, and neither of those is accurate. The best I could come up with was to say that I don't understand what it's like to not be attracted to someone because of his or her sex. If I personally find someone attractive, his or her sex simply doesn't factor in. Bisexuality is not a variation of homosexuality or heterosexuality; it is an entirely unique identity and cannot be abrogated due to the nature of a single relationship. All too often we are fearful of that which cannot easily fit into prescribed categories. It's this fear that ultimately leads to biphobic sentiments, which is a shame since there's a valuable lesson bisexual people can teach.

Sexual orientation is equally a matter of who we're not attracted to as it is who we are attracted to. A person who identifies as heterosexual is expressing both a consistent interest in the opposite sex, as well as a consistent lack of interest in the same sex. Likewise, a person who identifies as homosexual is expressing an interest in the same sex as well as lack of interest in the opposite sex. That being said, why should a single exception to the rule cause people to worry? There's no reason a person cannot identify as heterosexual because he or she had a single, perhaps fleeting, interest in someone of the same sex. Likewise a person who identifies homosexual can still be homosexual even if he or she had an attraction to someone of the opposite sex.

There are good number of people (probably more than are willing to admit) who have had curiosities about members of the sex they thought they weren't attracted to. All too often, people live in fear of these curiosities because of what they feel are the broader implications of having them. Heterosexuals may face anxiety over being perceived as gay, while homosexuals may fear being ostracized from a community they have stridently identified with. The lesson here is that when it comes to matters of sexuality, we should stop worrying what other people think and focus on what things mean to us as individuals. As a bisexual person, I don't worry about the significance of a person's sex, only about the significance of the person to me. Instead of running from these curiosities, we should try understanding them, and perhaps even embracing and exploring them. It may help to remove, or at least lessen, the burden of sexual repression we are so often compelled to carry in our society. In so doing, we can open our minds to the beauty and richness of human sexuality, embracing it for its wondrous ability to uplift and ennoble the human spirit.



NEXT: North America: Perhaps Once the "Queerest Continent on the Planet"


See also the previous Wild Reed posts:
The Bisexual: "Living Consciously and Continually in the Place Where the Twain Meet"
Alexander's Great Love


Sunday, July 24, 2011

Responding to Some Very Misguided Comparisons

In a recent post on his blog Abbey Roads, fellow Catholic blogger Terry Nelson opines:

. . .[I]f a person who is unhappy with his sexual orientation desires assistance or support in his conflict – there is absolutely nothing wrong if he or she seeks counseling – just make sure the therapists are licensed and have decent credentials. Transgender people do it all the time, claiming to be unhappy with the gender they were born with, they spend thousands on therapy, hormone treatments, anti-depressants, and surgeries. If people of faith seek Christian psychological therapy – why are they condemned? The double standard is hugely obvious when the gay Brown Shirts set about limiting individual freedoms in such cases.


Later, in his response to "Simon" in the comments section for this particular post, Terry writes:

Likewise, one hears stories of heterosexual men and women leaving their spouses and children for a same-sex lover all of the time. If they can change, why can't a highly motivated man or woman leave homosexuality?


Following (with some added afterthoughts) is the response I left at Abbey Roads. I welcome any additional thoughts my readers may have on the comparisons Terry raises.

Terry, you're comparisons between the homosexual orientation, trangenderism, and a straight person leaving his/her spouse for a homosexual relationship are misguided. [I think I'm being too gentle here! They're not only "misguided" but misleading and false.]

A transgender person feels inside him/herself a gender that doesn't correspond with their outward appearance. They want to be true to their deeper, inner reality of gender identity. A gay person who seeks "reparative therapy" feels inside him/herself a sexual orientation that they do not want to accept – often because of the negative indoctrination they've received from outside entities, e.g., family members, society, teachings of their church, etc. In both cases, what we should be trying to do is encourage the acceptance of these people's inner realities – be it their gender identity or sexual orientation. [Somehow I don't think this is the type of "counseling" that Terry is encouraging unhappy homosexual to seek.] It's through such acceptance and integration that people live that "life to the full" that Jesus calls us to.

In the case of a "straight" person leaving their spouse for a gay person, I think that if you talked to such an individual they would tell you that, in retrospect, they had always been gay but just didn't want to admit it or deal with it. That kind of avoidance, however, can only last so long. [In other words, they haven't changed their orientation; they're simply being true to it. This, of course, means a change in how they express themselves sexually, but their actual orientation remains the same.] Interestingly, it you also talk to the former spouses of such people, they too will often admit that they sensed "something" different about their partner but just didn't want to admit/deal with it. Let's face it, we still live in a society that often conveys negative ideas about homosexuality. This can complicate and slow a person's journey of self-awareness and "coming out."

Having said all that, I do believe that because sexuality is a continuum, there can be and are some individuals who are capable of moving along this continuum [and they generally do so without need of "counseling"]. I certainly think it's possible . . . but rare. [And in most such cases, it could be that they are actually bisexual, a sexual reality that Terry consistently ignores.] Most of us are firmly placed somewhere on the sexual orientation continuum [and are quite happy to stay there! Bisexuals, it should be noted, are located at the center of this continuum]. The problem with the "therapy" offered by people like Marcus Bachmann and organizations like NARTH, is that they accept and encourage "movement" [or "change"] only if the person is moving from gay to straight. [Unhappy straight people, for instance, (and, yes, there are lots of them around!) are never encouraged to explore the possibility that they may actually be gay.] If [people like Bachmann] were truly open to what science says about [the complex reality of] sexual orientation, and to actually helping people, then they would not display this double standard.

Peace,

Michael


See also the previous Wild Reed posts:
Putting a Human Face on the "T" of "GLBT"
Vanessa Sheridan on "Living Lives of Principle"
Quote of the Day – July 9, 2011
It's Official: APA Opposes "Reparative Therapy"
The Continuum Just Shrank
"Curing" Homosexuality (Be especially sure to read the comments on this one!)
Debunking NARTH (Part I)
Debunking NARTH (Part II)
When Quackery Goes Mainstream
Holding the Courage Apostolate Accountable
Gay Catholics, the Courage Apostolate, and "Reparative Therapy"
Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About the Courage Apostolate
What Scientists in the UK Are Saying About Homosexuality

Recommended Off-site Links:
Answers to Your Questions About Transgender Individuals and Gender Identity – American Psychological Association.
Sub Secretum – Jacqueline White (Progressive Catholic Voice, January 19, 2009).


Friday, June 25, 2010

The Bisexual: "Living Consciously and Continually in the Place Where the Twain Meet"


For this fifth installment of The Wild Reed’s special “Gay Pride 2010” series, I share one of the best commentaries I’ve ever read on the issue of bisexuality. It’s written by Debra Kolodny and appears in the special “Queer Spirituality and Politics” issue of Tikkun magazine.

I have a number of good friends who identify as bisexual, and I’ve observed the dismissiveness and scorn that they often encounter from both the straight world and the gay community. As Kolodny notes in her well-written and insightful piece: “[the] ability to seemingly choose the sex of [their] partner has made bisexuals the scapegoats of people who fear abundant possibility.”

The part of Kolodny’s article that most resonates with me is when she writes:

With people of all orientations, serendipity, fate, hormones, emotions, and spirit interact in a wildly unpredictable dance resulting in attraction, courtship, and partnering. None of us feels particularly in control of any of these factors!

Indeed! But, oh, how wonderful it is to be caught up in that dance!

Anyway, following is Kolodny article in its entirety. Enjoy.

_____________________________________


Bisexuality – Theology and Politics

By Debra Kolodny

Tikkun
July/August 2010


Regardless of the structure, rituals, and principles of our path, and whatever the Divine name to whom we offer our prayers, bisexual and transgender people of faith live consciously and continually in the place where the twain meet.

Blessed with the capacity for our intimate relationships to transcend the socially constructed boundary of gender identity (masculine/feminine) as well as the biologically constructed boundary of sex (male/female), bisexual people embody and can therefore integrate and constructively deploy powerful theological insights that take others years to cultivate through practice.

Living fully into our destiny as b’tzelem Elohim (created in the image of a G!d who exists beyond and includes all gender identities, and who intimately and passionately loves every human regardless of gender identity) grants us access during everyday consciousness to the spiritual truth that souls are not bounded by mundane matters such as genitalia. As a result of this deep knowing, which many spiritual traditions hold as a goal of daily meditation and prayer, qualities like boundless compassion and appreciation of universal truths in the face of chaos, complexity, and even violence can be cultivated with greater ease. This, of course, can lead to a life of devoted service to people quite different from oneself or of mediating and healing conflict, helping transform unhealthy or even dangerous patterns in families, organizations, or nation states.

Despite these positive possibilities, our ability to seemingly choose the sex of our partner has made bisexuals the scapegoats of people who fear abundant possibility. Sadly, even the most tolerant and welcoming heterosexual ally has been known to challenge the decision to be in a same-sex relationship, knowing that as bisexual people we are capable of partnering with someone of another gender. Ironically, this is the height of homophobia! Failing to see worth in every soul-to-soul partnering, this position explicitly declares that if you can “help it,” loving someone of the same gender is not valid, is not holy, is not defendable.

The unfortunate framing of the lesbian and gay civil rights movement fed this paradigm and unwittingly fostered a degree of biphobia that still resonates in political, social, and spiritual contexts. Throughout the 1990s, the movement argued that sexual orientation was immutable – it could not change – and therefore was subject to the highest possible protection against discrimination. The immutability argument was chosen because it had been successful in securing and protecting rights based on race and gender under the fourteenth Amendment in decades past. In addition, the 1986 Supreme Court decision in Bowers v. Hardwick, which upheld a Georgia sodomy law, seemed to have closed the door on using constitutional privacy arguments to end discrimination based on sexual orientation.

An unfortunate side effect of the “immutability” argument was that it opened the door for the sentiment that if gay people could be straight they certainly would be, they just couldn’t help it – thereby seeing sexual orientations as similar to congenital illness. And of course, it lifted bisexuality up as the sacrificial lamb in the struggle, for bisexuals seemed to be able to choose, and if they can choose, they should, and they should choose to be heterosexual or suffer the consequences.

But does the red herring of choice really hold up under scrutiny?

With people of all orientations, serendipity, fate, hormones, emotions, and spirit interact in a wildly unpredictable dance resulting in attraction, courtship, and partnering. None of us feels particularly in control of any of these factors! We meet and fall in love with those who catch our eye, make our heart rate quicken, share our interests, make us laugh, smell right, “get” our quirks, and most often, whose culturally deemed level of attractiveness is about the same as our own. Is that exercising choice or accepting that fate/Spirit/God or luck operate through our attractions and we respond with delight and appreciation when it does?

More importantly, it is spiritually unsupportable to make lack of choice the criterion for social acceptance or legal rights. Even if choice did come into play, why should chosen attractions between consenting adults be less honored than other choices that are legally protected? The Constitution protects our rights to practice religion freely and to associate freely. Are we genetically Christian or Jew, Buddhist, Hindu, Pagan, Taoist, Bahai? Sometimes we stay in the path our our bloodline, but often we don’t. We play out our spiritual proclivities in the environments we feel called to, welcomed by, at home in. Sometimes faith is challenged and we leave. Religious conversion is accepted as appropriate and in some faiths, like many streams of Christianity, it is a critical component of the faith to bring in converts. Clearly we can accept, protect, and respect a core aspect of one’s identity when one isn’t “born that way.”

Thankfully, time bore out this truth in the legal arena. The privacy argument in Bowers v. Hardwick was ultimately redeemed in 2003 when the Court overruled its 1986 decision in Lawrence v. Texas. Stating that “Bowers was not correct when it was decided, and it is not correct today,” the court created a legal opening for a spiritual truth: love and love-making between consenting adult souls honors the soul’s boundlessness and therefore its holiness.

Indigenous traditions have long known this, identifying a role of the highest spiritual order for the person who loves someone of the same gender. Called gatekeepers by the Dagara of West Africa and berdache or Two Spirit by many Native Americans, these people were born into a special destiny, often shamans and revered leaders. May we catch up with these cultures, speedily and in our day.


Recommended Off-site Links:
Bisexuality and the Case Against Dualism – Stephanie Fairyington (Gay and Lesbian Review, July-August 2005).
Was Jesus Bi? – Mike Szymanski (Examiner.com, April 12, 2010).

For previous posts in The Wild Reed’s special “Gay Pride 2010” series, see:
Standing Strong
Growing Strong
Jesus and Homosexuality
It Is Not Good To Be Alone

For 2009’s “Gay Pride” series, see:
A Mother’s Request to President Obama: Full Equality for My Gay Son
Marriage Equality in Massachusetts: Five Years On
It Shouldn’t Matter. Except It Does
Gay Pride as a Christian Event
Not Just Another Political Special Interest Group
Can You Hear Me, Yet, My Friend?
A Catholic Presence at Gay Pride
Worldwide Gay Pride

See also the previous Wild Reed post:
Dan Furmansky: Why We Have Pride
Putting a Human Face on the "T" of "GLBT"
Living Lives of Principle


Image: Subject and photographer unknown.