Coming Out

Part 4 of In the Footsteps of Spring, an exploration of the coming out process as a spiritual journey.

In the previous installment of this series, I shared my “intimate soliloquies” - in particular, a “letter to God” that I wrote as a closeted gay man in 1992.

Such conversations with the sacred within, or, in other words, with the deepest part of myself, nurtured self-awareness and brought to consciousness the desire and need to live an authentic life - a life of integrity. The call to embody such a life was and remains a sacred one - and I experienced it at that time in some rather unusual ways (as I document here).

In retrospect, the process of coming out to myself first became conscious to me in 1984, when I was 19-years-old. By 1987, it was well underway. Not surprisingly, it was my attraction to two different male friends (straight male friends, as it turned out) during these years that spurred this journey of consciousness along. These experiences made me particularly aware that in order to meet other gay men who were secure and comfortable about who they were, I first needed to become, myself, that kind of secure and confident person. And I couldn’t become that person while ever I remained closeted.

By the early 1990s , however, I was teaching at a Catholic primary school in Goulburn, New South Wales. I loved teaching, and my years in Goulburn were a very creative and fulfilling time for me. Yet, clearly, it was not the most conducive environment within which to come out as gay. My teaching career, and in some ways my whole life in Australia, demanded the construction and maintenance of a heterosexual persona, one that over the years had become too powerful to confront and dismantle in the environment that fed it. And so I opted to remove myself to a totally new environment - to a place where that persona would not be needed and where nobody knew me, and where in many ways I could begin anew.

I’d long wanted to further my studies in theology, and so moved to the U.S. to pursue a Masters in Theology at the College of St. Catherine in St. Paul, Minnesota. Even though this was a Catholic institution, I knew from my research that its theology department was open to asking and exploring the types of questions about sexuality and spirituality that I was living with. I was not disappointed. For my Master’s thesis I was able to explore the coming out process as a spiritual journey. This In the Footsteps of Spring series of posts (one that begins here) draws from that thesis of 1996.

After a year or so of study and of living as an out gay man, I realized that it was time to come out to my family back in Australia. For months I labored over my “coming out” letter. It was finally completed to my satisfaction in October 1995, but it wasn’t until the following February - St. Valentine’s Day, 1996 - that I sent it off. Why the feast day of the patron saint of love? Well, I thought, what greater gift of love could I give my parents than sharing with them who I really am?

Following is the text of this letter and their response to it. (You’ll notice that I begin my “coming out” letter with the words of the Kate Bush song that I highlighted and discussed in this previous Wild Reed post.)

__________________________________

It lay buried here,
It lay deep inside me.
It’s so deep
I don’t think that I can speak about it.
It could take me all my life,
Or it could take a moment
To tell you what I’m feeling . . .

“Love and Anger”
Kate Bush

18th October, 1995

Dear Mum and Dad,

I’ve been wanting to write to you with this news for quite some time now, but had always found it too difficult to do so. My life here [in the U.S.] has been so different to that in Australia and, up until now, I really haven’t been able to share much of it with you. I know that for many this would be no big deal, but I love you both too much to go on living a separate life from you.

Since my arrival in the States I’ve lived as an openly gay man. This basically means that to the many friends I’ve made here (both gay and straight) and to the majority of people I work with and go to school with, I’m honest about who I am. It’s been one of my biggest regrets and most painful burdens that I haven’t had the courage, to date, to share this honesty with those I love the most – namely you and my brothers. I’m really sorry for the hurt that my luck of trust must mean to you.

The course work here has provided both tremendous affirmation and opportunity for me. I’ve been able to express myself and define the journey that I’m on in a very supportive environment. I’ve made some wonderful friends – and am loved and respected by them for who I am.

Within weeks of arriving here I joined Dignity Twin Cities – a group of gay/lesbian/bisexual Catholics and their families and friends. Within months I was elected onto the Dignity Twin Cities board as editor of its monthly newsletter. I’m also a member of a very open and progressive Catholic parish – St. Frances Cabrini – and worked with a committee on drafting and implementing a Statement of Reconciliation between the parish and the gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender community – the first such statement ever issued by a Catholic parish.

I was also involved, as you know, in organizing the visit last year to the Twin Cities of Bishop Thomas Gumbleton and, recently, I was a founding member of Open Ground – the Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual Alliance of the College of St. Catherine – Minneapolis. I’m proud of my many achievements here, and I hope that you are too. Later, I’ll send some copies of the Dignity newsletter, as well as various papers I’ve written since arriving here.

As you’re well aware, there’s an element of the gay community that is characterized by promiscuity and shallowness. I’ve seen much of this “sub-culture” since living here. That I reject it is, to a large extent, due to the values you instilled in me. I’ve met many gay men my age who, lacking such values, lead pretty meaningless lives. I thank you for grounding me to the extent that you did, for it has enabled me to know clearly who I am and what it is I want out of life.

A part of me believes that the message of this letter isn’t really news to you. Yet increasingly it’s become important for me to be honest with those I love the most. I don’t want us to drift apart. I hope and pray that my writing to you doesn’t cause you great distress or worry. I am who I have always been. It’s just that now I’m willingly sharing more of myself with you. I am very happy here and feel strong and confident in who I am.

I’d like you to write back to me and share honestly your thoughts and feelings concerning my “coming out.” I’d also like you to share (when you’re ready) this letter with Chris and Cathie, and Tim and Ros. Who else you share it with is up to you.

I love you both and am thinking and praying for us all.

Love,

Michael

The light
Begin to bleed
Begin to breathe
Begin to speak

Do you know what?
I love you better now

I’d love to hold you now
I’ll kiss the ground
I’ll tell my mother
I’ll tell my father
I’ll tell my brothers
I’ll tell my loved ones
How much I love them

“The Morning Fog”
Kate Bush

____________________________________

Dear Michael,

Thank you!

We really appreciate your honesty.

First and foremost, our love for you is unconditional and always will be.

One of the paragraphs in your letter, where you acknowledge your rejection of certain lifestyles, was very comforting. We pray you will continue to hold onto meaningful values.

I must admit, I was partly prepared for your admission. Even so, my tummy, just for a moment, had a decidedly “sinking feeling.” There were a few tears. I’ve had time to ponder and collect my thoughts and feel much calmer.

Thank God, Gordon was also prepared but had similar feelings to mine.

Strange, isn’t it? We were both waiting for your letter to eventually come but neither of us had voiced it to each other.

There are so many unanswered questions but, hopefully, in time, we will be able to communicate with you and so allay any fears we may have.

We will be talking to Chris, Cathie, Tim, and Ros, and will share your letter with them.

I guess we are like the majority of parents who have been confronted with the gay admission from their child. We are experiencing a mixture of feelings which in time will be easier to deal with.

We love you dearly, and we too are praying for us all.

God bless,

Mum and Dad

___________________________________

Coming out, of course, is not a one-off event. It’s a lifelong process of growing in consciousness and compassion. Since the above letters were written thirteen years ago, both my parents and I have continued to grow and “come out.”

I appreciate what theologian and poet David Weiss has to say about the ongoing nature of coming out:

[Coming out is] usually a life-long process, because the closet keeps chasing after you as societal assumptions try to erase you again and again. The moment of coming out will need to occur again and again. So to move beyond Coming Out is not to put it behind you; it’s simply to add another act to the repertoire of holiness in your life, what I’m calling the act of Keeping Faith.

Also, like many LGBT people, I can strongly attest to the myriad of ways my life has expanded and been enriched as a result of “coming out.” Energies that had been used to maintain and safeguard a secret, hidden life are now directed into much more creative and life-giving endeavors. Since coming out I have blossomed in many ways, and my relationships with self, God, and others continue to deepen and become more fulfilling.

Not surprisingly (and as I’ve noted previously) I strongly resonate with the words of British actor Ian McKellen who, when talking about his own experience of coming out, observes:

When I first came out – as anyone who has had to go through that journey will testify – life improved. You gain as a person your proper self-confidence. You’re being honest and you’re standing up as yourself and for yourself. . . . On top of that I freed up my emotions, or at least my ability to express emotions without being circumspect, without lying, without this disguise. Acting is about telling the truth rather than lying. I improved as an actor. Maybe that’s why my career went positively in every direction and flourished and continues to do so.

I’ve also learned that we’re all called to discover, define, and express our sexuality within the context of the totality of our lives. We shouldn’t tailor our lives to fit a narrow understanding of, for example, the word “gay” as defined by others – be they gay or straight, conservative or liberal.

I’ve sought to document and share via The Wild Reed many of the experiences I’ve had and the insights I’ve gained as a result of my ongoing coming out journey. And as I note in this site’s banner, this honest sharing serves as a “sign of solidarity with all who are dedicated to living lives of integration and wholeness – though, in particular, with gay people seeking to be true to both the gift of their sexuality and their Catholic faith.”

As parents of a gay son, Mum and Dad have also continued to “come out.” In 2006 they had, what in reality was their own “coming out” letter, published in the Namoi Valley Independent, the newspaper of our hometown of Gunnedah. Last September, both Catholica Australia and the Minnesota-based Progressive Catholic Voice (of which I serve as editor) published a reflection on World Youth Day written by my parents. I’ll conclude this post with excerpts from this particular reflection.

We have come to accept that homosexuality is not a “lifestyle” that people choose; it is an “orientation” you are born with. The terminology that the Vatican uses to describe homosexuality is so distressing for us. Examples include “intrinsically evil,” and “objectively disordered.” Unfortunately, such terms fuel homophobia. Yes, it does exist!

There are many gay Catholics who desire to be accepted for who they are. We love equally Michael and his two straight brothers. They fill us with pride and joy. Our family continues to embrace and support Michael. We have been questioned by some as to whether or not we should do this as it is contrary to Church teaching. Being “out” parents of a gay Catholic child is challenging and frustrating!

. . . We continue to pray that those in power within the Catholic Church will consider acceptance and understanding towards those who are considered not worthy to receive the Eucharist.

NEXT: No Stranger Am I


Previous installments of In the Footsteps of Spring:
Introduction
The Light Within
Shards of Summer
Intimate Soliloquies

See also the previous Wild Reed posts:
Catholic Rainbow (Australian) Parents
The Bayly Family – January 2009
Coming Out: An Act of Holiness
The Triumph of Love - An Easter Reflection
The Many Manifestations of God’s Loving Embrace
Trusting God’s Generous Invitation

Artwork and photography: Michael Bayly.

Oh, Yeah!

One musical artist that I’ve long admired and enjoyed is British singer/songwriter Kate Bush.

In light of my recent post on the Sufi Way, and with it being a bit of a tradition at The Wild Reed for Friday night to be “Music Night,” I’d like to share this evening the music video for the song “Love and Anger” (from Kate’s 1989 album, The Sensual World). This particular video not only features ballerinas and a rock band fronted by Pink Floyd’s Dave Gilmour, but . . . wait for it . . . whirling dervishes!

Of course, in lesser hands such a farraginous concoction would end up a right royal mess, but in the creative vision and capable hands of the incomparable Kate Bush, it’s pulled off with confidence and grace.

If you can’t tell your sister,
if you can’t tell the priest,
’cause it’s so deep you don’t think
that you can speak about it to anyone.
Can you tell it to your heart?
Can you find it in your heart
to let go of these feelings,
like a bell to a southerly wind?
We could be like two strings beating,
speaking in sympathy . . .
What would we do without you?

NOTE: You can view the video for “Love and Anger” here.

I really like the imagery that Kate employs in this video – imagery that to me speaks of saying yes to liberation from oppression.

Notice, for instance, how when Kate’s holding the symbols of “the law,” of what could be seen as symbols of an oppressive imperial-like system of order and control, she stands immobile and isolated, unable to join in either the dance of the ballerinas, or the whirling of the dervishes. I think this is telling us something about the crippling effects of overt and dehumanizing legalism, of rigid systems of order and control, and of stagnant tradition: they prevent us from fully engaging in life.

Yet once such a burden has been taken away from her - by the ballerinas, no less! (perhaps not surprising as they’re the embodiment of grace) - Kate’s off on a wondrous, if somewhat unknown trajectory (she’s moving backwards, after all). One could say she’d been a dervish all along as, according to Neil Douglas-Klotz in The Sufi Book of Life, the word dervish means “one who sits in the doorway, or on the threshold of something, ready to move on and transform him- or herself.”

I resonate with the sense of trustful anticipation (“Oh, yeah, Oh, yeah, Oh yeah!”) that Kate displays as she undergoes her transformation. It’s an anticipation that is expressed as a lover’s breathless cry - and one she maintains all the way to her joyous communion with the band. Here she moves freely and is able to impart encouragement, wisdom, and hope to her fellow travelers:

Well, if it’s so deep you don’t think
that you can speak about it,
just remember to reach out
and touch the past and the future.
Well, if it’s so deep you don’t think
that you can speak about it,
don’t ever think that you can't
change the past and the future.
And you might not, not think so now,
but just you wait and see
– someone will come to help you.

For more of Kate Bush at The Wild Reed, see:

• Wow!
• The Man I Love
• The Golden Compass


See also the previous Wild Reed posts:
• All at Sea
• The Rhythm Divine
• Saved Me
• Crackerjack Man
• My Theme Song for 1987
• Rules and Regulations – Rufus Style
• Engelbert: Not That Easy to Forget
• Saturday Night
• “And a Pitcher to Go”
• Mmm, that Sweet Surrender
• Ma Belle Amie
• The Return of Maxwell
• Maxwell in Concert
• Soul Deep
• Time and the River


Recommended Off-site Link:
• Kate Bush News

"A Cultic, Fundamentalist Hue"

The following is excerpted from Joseph O’Leary’s always informative blogsite. As you’ll see, it’s not only a well-articulated assessment of the current (and increasingly dire) state of the Roman Catholic Church, but a great compilation of links to various articles and sites that offer differing perspectives on this current state. As could be expected, much of the discussion focuses on the Vatican’s rehabilitation of the six formerly excommunicated bishops of the Society of St. Pius X (pictured above) - including the Holocaust-denying Bishop Richard Williamson.

Liberal views such as these now seem more mainstream as people shrink back from the abyss that [the Holocaust-denying Society of Pope Pius X] Bishop Williamson’s utterances gave a glimpse of. The author notes that the Vatican is unwisely tolerant of cultic organizations that brainwash the young.

Similarly, the Interfaith Alliance warns that in turning back on Vatican II the Church is acquiring a cultic, fundamentalist hue.

Cultism is shown in Bishop Williamson’s thesis that the sufferings of France in WWI and WWII are God’s punishment for the 1905 Law of Separation of Church and State. The Pope has made Bishop of Linz a man who holds that the Katrina catastrophe was divine punishment for US toleration of abortion and homosexuality. We are deep into the cultic twilight zone.

Neocaths have found a new vocation as they fall back on the “Pope as victim” topos or the idea that the Pope is misled by the evil Curia. Sandro Magister has taken this line, taken up by the plaintive Raffaella.

. . . Meanwhile. the Pope’s brother Georg has upbraided Chancellor Merkel for her schoolmistressy presumption in criticizing the Pope. Apologists are other to point out that the Pope could not have known of the negationist interview.

The FAZ newspaper says that Ratzinger arouses hostility not because he is aggressive but because he is a happy Catholic. In fact Ratzinger has a “Bavarian pugnacity” as his Doctorvater noted, and he has in addition a passive-aggressive disposition played in the key of sweet soft-spokenness. Watch that video again.

Rocco Buttiglione thinks the brouhaha will lead to more clarity in the relations between Catholics and Jews (just as some claim the Regensburg gaffe led to Muslim-Catholic dialogue).

It is true that reactions to papal gaffes about Islam, scientists, gays, etc., are exaggerated and that the media acerbate the problem. Nonetheless, the pattern of reaction has been lit up clearly though crudely, and this is bringing both the Church and the world to a moment of conscientization that will form the judgment of history on the three decades of Vatican regression from Vatican II.

Franco Garelli asks why the Vatican cannot dialogue with the mass of Catholics even as it expends infinite energy on the ungrateful Lefebvrites.

See also the previous Wild Reed posts:
“The Real Battle”
Benedict’s Understanding of the Church

Recommended Off-site Links:
Cults of Personality - Colleen Kochivar-Baker (Enlightened Catholicism, February 6, 2009).
The Pope’s Denial Problem - Christopher Hitchens (Newsweek, February 9, 2009).

Benedict's Understanding of the Church

Over at Religious Dispatches, Paul Gorrell has an insightful article entitled, “The Incredible Shrinking Catholic Church,” in which he examines the “focus of Pope Benedict’s reign,” i.e. “the draw[ing of] sharp boundaries that strictly define what it means to be a Catholic, what it means to be a priest, and how the Church should reconfigure itself in order to exile members who are not true believers.”

Following is a brief excerpt:

Benedict’s understanding of the church—his reinterpretation of the reforms of Vatican II in particular—erases the power of local culture in the experience of Catholicism. It also undermines the ecumenical movement by claiming that Protestant churches are not “true” churches, judges priests on their identity (gay priests must leave) rather than their actions, stops dialogue on any topics that do not meet the Pope’s approval (such as the possibility of women priests), sheds gay people from its ranks and fights against their rights, ignores the diminishing number of priests and the effects of this shortage on Church communities, and calls on Catholics to form the “perfect society” resembling the ecclesiology of Opus Dei. It is no surprise that Pope Benedict comes from a country — Germany — where the percentage of Church members attending Sunday mass is one of the lowest in the world. Strict adherence to orthodoxy will not be popular.

Gorrel goes on to make the argument that:

[R]econciliation with [the] Lefebvrite bishops [including the Holocaust-denying Richard Williamson], as well as the resurrection of the Tridentine Mass, shows that in the eyes of the current papacy, orthodox belief in traditional dogma is more important than the church’s relationship with other religions and the rest of the world. Put simply, these men think like Benedict when it comes to the church’s relationship to the world. This is underlined by Benedict’s revision of the documents of the Second Vatican Council, a move that mirrors the thinking of Marcel Lefebvre, the founder of the renegade church with whom these bishops are attached.

Benedict makes it clear who is part of this more tightly circumscribed church and who is not. While many people are troubled by the Pope’s embrace of Holocaust-deniers and saddened when priests ask folks to step out of communion lines because of how they vote, Benedict believes that those who value spiritual sentiment over orthodoxy do not fit the mold of what it means to be Catholic today. They must see the church and Catholicism the way he sees it or leave the fold.

To read Paul Gorrell’s article in its entirety, click here.


See also the previous Wild Reed posts:
The Shrinking Catholic Tent
“The Real Battle”
A Smaller, Purer Vision of Church – and Why It Won’t Work
The Pope’s “Scandalous” Stance on Homosexuality
What It Means to Be Catholic
A Church That Can and Cannot Change
To Whom the Future of the Catholic Church Belongs

“The Real Battle”

NewJersey.com columnist Linda Stamato begins her February 1 column by noting how “sometimes it’s really tough to be a Catholic.” Specifically, she’s referring to the pope’s decision to revoke the excommunication of Richard Williamson, a Holocaust-denying bishop of the Society of St. Pius X (SSPX). It’s a papal decision that initially makes Stamato wonder: “What was [the pope] thinking?”, before she concludes that none of the explanations offered by the Vatican work. (Since the publication of Stamato’s column, the Vatican has demanded that Williamson recant his positions on the Holocaust.)

Of course, the SSPX incident is just one of a number of recent scandals that have dogged the Vatican. (For others, see here and here.)

I have to say that in discussing and analyzing the aforementioned SSPX debacle and the furor over the disgraced founder of the Legionnaires of Christ, I particularly appreciate the succinct, insightful, and radical (in the sense of the real meaning of the word, “to get to the root”) perspective of Colleen Kochivar-Baker.

Here is what she has to say in a recent post on her blog, Enlightened Catholicism:

What a strange couple of weeks for Roman Catholicism. First the SSPX fiasco, in many ways [a] cult of personality steeped in male monarchical power and anti-semitism, and now the Legionnaires [of Christ], a cult founded on a bisexual pedophile. The symbolism in both of these stories about the very real shadow side of Catholicism is compelling. You know, that shadow side expressed in Power, Sex and Secrecy - those very things that Vatican II was trying to root out with its notions of collegiality, openness, transparency, and sexual realism.

The real battle for the spiritual energy in Roman Catholicism has very little to do with who prefers what form of liturgy or spiritual practice. It has everything to do with Power, Sex and Secrecy and rooting these out from the way the Church does business.

To read Colleen Kochivar-Baker’s commentary, “Outing a Spiritual Cancer,” in its entirety, click here.

__________________________________

Postscript: Professional blogger Andrew Sullivan has also weighed in on the latest string of scandals to hit the Church. He contends that what links these scandals is not so much anti-Semitism or sex, but “the abuse of absolute clerical power.” Following is a brief excerpt from his post, A Question of Power:

In their panicked reaction to the reforms of the Second Vatican Council and its expansion of lay and episcopal power within a more inclusive church, the last two Popes relied on raw papal power to get their way. They did not persuade many on, say women priests or contraception or the “objective disorder” of homosexuals. But it became pretty clear after a while that persuasion was never the point. When the Pope simply declared certain topics undiscussable - and when he enforced that silence within the Church by policing dissent and appointing generations of docile flunkies as bishops and cardinals - he was telling us that he was restoring hierarchy. Some ratcheting back was doubtless necessary in the wake of excessive experimentation in the 1970s; but it then easily degenerated into arrogance and error. That’s what dictatorships - even benign, non-coercive institutional ones - always produce. Because they have no mechanisms for self-correction.

To read Andrew Sullivan’s commentary in its entirety, click here.


Recommended Off-site Links:
Fall of the Founder – Rocco Palmo (Whispers in the Loggia, February 3, 2009).
The Holocaust Furor and the U.S. Bishops – Peter Steinfels (The New York Times, January 30, 2009).
Double Disaster at the Vatican: Of Governance and Communication – Sandro Magister (Chiesa, February 4, 2009).

See also the previous Wild Reed posts:
• An Australian Bishop’s “Radical” Call for Reform
• Authentic Catholicism: The Antidote to Clericalism
• Beyond Papalism
• Pan’s Labyrinth: Critiquing the Cult of Unquestioning Obedience
• Genuine Authority

Image: Kristen Solberg.

The Sufi Way

For many people, whirling dervishes and the works of the thirteenth-century mystic and poet Jelaluddin Rumi are what come to mind whenever Sufism is mentioned. Related to these associations is the not uncommon belief that Sufism describes the mystical branch of Islam. Yet while there is truth to this, it’s an incomplete truth. For as celebrated British author Doris Lessing reminds us, “the Sufis are not a Muslim monopoly [as] the Sufi reality predates Islam [and] has always been introduced, secretly or openly, into every culture.” (1)

Lessing (pictured at left) also notes that the word “Sufism” is not liked by Sufis as “they see it as a typical Western abstraction, away from the living reality of the Sufi Way, which is embodied in people.” (2)

Furthermore, the actual word “Sufi,” Lessing observes, “is not necessary for a fresh introduction of Sufi feeling: many an activity or event or series of events has been Sufic, but no one has known it, perhaps not even the people involved. Many books have been for a Sufi purpose, the word never being used.” (3)



The Sufi purpose

Of course, all of this begs the question: what is the “Sufi purpose”?

Well, according to Dr. Alan Godlas of the University of Georgia, the essence of Sufi purpose and practice is quite simple: “the Sufi surrenders to God, in love, over and over; which involves embracing with love at each moment the content of one’s consciousness (one’s perceptions, thoughts, and feelings, as well as one’s sense of self) as gifts of God or, more precisely, as manifestations of God.” (4)

Not surprisingly, like all efforts related to experiencing and comprehending the love that is God, the Sufi Way infuses (and often transcends) the structures and practices of organized religion and is all about transformation and enlightenment; all about recognizing and distinguishing “the light” from the various screens that filter it. In this analogy of Doris Lessing’s, the screens represent various “national or historical cultural patterns,” (including those structures and practices of organized religion) whereas the light stands for “a truth which is central to humanity.” (5) For as Lessing reminds us, “the word ‘light’ has been used in every mystic tradition as a symbol for God, the Absolute, the Beloved, the King, the Simurgh, Truth, Life of the World – a hundred other terms.” (6)

In the 1960s Lessing was a student of the Sufi teacher Idries Shah, who is credited with playing a major role in introducing Western audiences to the Sufi Way as a form of universal wisdom. In many of her writings – both fiction and non-fiction – Lessing addresses questions related to the meaning and purpose of this understanding of the Sufi Way. One of the most direct of these writings is her 1996 article “Summing Up: When Idries Shah Died,” in which she acknowledges that “people are always asking, ‘But what is Sufism, what are the Sufis, surely it can be put into a few words?’”

In response to this foundational question, Lessing notes:

There are some statements, almost aphorisms [that I can offer]: for instance that in every human being is an initially tiny, precious, shining thing, capable of development, which can bring her or him to fulfillment. Or, that the Sufi truth is at the core of every religion, its heart, and religions are only the outward vestments of an inner reality. This last is helpful to people like myself, who find it hard to see religions anything more than systems of indoctrination with perennial tendencies towards the persecution of differently thinking people. (7)

A gradation of understanding

In his book The Way of the Sufi, Idries Shah shares the tale of how Moses rebuked a man for offering to comb God’s hair, wash His robe, and kiss His head. God, however, rebuked Moses saying: “Thou hast driven away a worshipper from the nearest to Me that he could approach. There is a gradation in all men: each will perceive what he can perceive and at the stage at which he can perceive it.” (8)

Lessing takes from this story the message that “one religion is not better than another: each is an expression of local needs,” and that: “beyond religion, most of whose practices are the ethics of the society in which it operates codified, is a range where experience becomes more complex than the rigidities of good/bad, black/white.” (9)

I can certainly relate to these observations, yet when I reflect upon God’s response to Moses in the story told by Idries Shah, I cannot help but think of the inability of the Roman Catholic hierarchy to perceive God in the lives and relationships of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) people. Indeed, when it comes to issues of gender and sexuality, members of the hierarchy (along with those who uncritically accept everything they say) seem to be stuck at an underdeveloped stage in a gradation of understanding and perception. I must admit that it’s often a struggle for me to see such entrenched people as “worshipers” of a God of love and liberation.

Yet regardless of what I think, these folks (my brothers and sisters, I constantly remind myself) definitely see their efforts to, for instance, promulgate teachings that malign homosexuality and its expression by insisting that they are the results of humanity’s “fallen” state, as a way of displaying their obedience to what they actually believe to be God’s truth. Such unquestioning obedience, I’ve discovered, is what they understand as the hallmark of faithful worship of God. Of course, such a hallmark implies that we have all the answers – here and now; and that the human endeavor isn’t about journeying and developing, but about hankering down and safe-guarding “the (one and only) truth.”

Don’t get me wrong, there will always be aspects of our experience – certain insights, developments, and truth claims – that are worth safe-guarding. That being said, I have to say that much of the Roman Catholic Church’s stated understanding of gender and sexuality is definitely not something I consider worth supporting or defending. (For a start, such understanding is unreasonable – and any understanding or teaching that claims any kind of respect, or claims its authority in the concept of “natural law,” must be reasonable.)


A catholic reality

I’m not in the least bit interested in circling the wagons and unquestioningly defending the hierarchy’s unreasonable theology of human sexuality – one that in its intentional failure to be mindful of, and informed by, the collective wisdom of the people of God, is not only unreasonable but also immoral. No, I’m much more interested in moving the caravan forward; in acknowledging and getting on with our journey as a pilgrim church - a community still very much in process, still very much discovering the ever-unfolding truth of God within, among, and around us.

This probably accounts for my growing interest in the Sufi Way, that way of perceiving and being in the world that understands true worship of the Sacred as an openness to growth and change, as a trusting willingness to engage with “the light” as manifested in the lives and relationships of all.

Of course, those fearful of growth and change may angrily dismiss the Sufi Way as some kind of “New Age” fad. Yet, in reality, the Sufi Way is the life force of all authentic religion. For as Rumi scholar and translator Coleman Barks reminds us, the Sufi Way, the “love way” is not religious; rather, it’s the “origin and longing inside religiousness.” (10) Thus one way I’ve come to understand the Sufi Way is as a religious sensibility, a way of engaging self, others, and the Sacred. It's a way that, as Shah, Lessing, Coleman, and others have noted, is at the heart of all religions. (It brings a smile to my face to think that this universality makes the Sufi Way a truly catholic reality – “catholic,” after all, means “universal.”)


Consciousness, conscience, and compassion

In light of this universality of the Sufi Way, Doris Lessing writes:

A question like: “But what about a personal God, and the importance of this to so many people?” falls away. St. Theresa of Avila experienced “his Majesty.” St. Theresa the Little Flower talked of “My little Jesus.” A crazy person may say “I am God” – but so did Hallaj, one of the greatest Sufis of all time, who was judicially murdered because he said, in a mystic state: “I am the Truth.” A Spanish peasant girl sees a vision of the Virgin. Sorcerers raise the Devil, horns and all – Spanish St. Theresa saw the Devil until she had got past that stage. Adam and Noah, Abraham and Moses talked with God, in a way which sounds like son with loving father. In India there is a hierarchy of deities which are experienced in the stages of the Hindu disciples. An African witchdoctor experiences God according to the realities of his part of the continent. The modern astronomer has his moments of vision when the skies his mind inhabits become a mirror for something beyond. The light can do no other than fall in the patterns of the screens – the mind of the experiencing person, which has been formed, been set, by his culture, his experience, his prejudices.

Again and again one is returned to this point: one can do no more than start from where one is. And it is not an unuseful exercise to use this thought in an effort to find out where that is.

Or as [Idries] Shah puts it: “If you are uninterested in what I say, there’s an end to it. If you like what I say, please try to understand which previous influences have made you like it. If you like some of the things I say and dislike others, you could try to understand why. If you dislike all I say, why not try to find out what has formed your attitude?” (11)

Yes, it’s all about growing in consciousness, in self-awareness; all about seeking the light beyond all our humanly-constructed (and often arrogantly and fearfully defended) “screens.” I'm drawn to what teachers such as Idries Shah have to say. I also appreciate the efforts of folks like Doris Lessing and Coleman Barks to articulate in everyday language the wisdom of the Sufi Way. I plan on further exploring this way in an ongoing series of posts at The Wild Reed. In particular, I want to explore the Sufi Way and its connections to Christianity (including the idea of Jesus as a Sufi Master*) as well as the Sufi Way and homosexuality.

Interestingly, I was originally going to title this series, “Contemplating the Sufi Way,” but once I began researching and writing, I soon realized that I’m doing much more than contemplating. I’m already walking the Sufi Way, as are all of us who are striving to live lives of consciousness, conscience, and compassion; we just may not have realized that this term, one among many, exists to name this journey toward union with the Sacred - a journey that is both intimately personal and universal.

One went to the door of the Beloved and knocked. A voice asked: “Who is there?” He answered: “It is I.” The voice said: “There is no room here for me and thee.” The door was shut. After a year of solitude and deprivation this man returned to the door of the Beloved. He knocked. A voice from within asked: “Who is there?” The man said: “It is Thou.” The door was opened to him.

– Rumi

* Chuck Lofy touches on these interesting questions about Christianity and the Sufi Way when, during the interview I conducted with him in 2005, he noted that Jesus said, “I come to cast fire on the earth,” and how, in Christian terms, “this ‘fire’ is the symbol of the Holy Spirit, the guiding and illuminating Spirit that according to the great religious traditions, is deep within all of us. The ‘spark’ comes when we recognize and affirm ourselves as one with this Spirit.”

1-3. Lessing, D. “Summing Up: When Idries Shah Died.” Daily Telegraph, November 23, 1996. (Also reprinted in Lessing, D. Time Bites: Views and Reviews. Harper Perennial, New York, 2004.
4. Godlas, A. “Sufism’s Many Paths” at http://www.uga.edu/islam/Sufism.html.
5-6. Lessing, D. “The Sufis” (first published in Books and Bookmen) in Time Bites: Views and Reviews. Harper Perennial, New York, 2004.
7. Lessing D. “Summing Up: When Idries Shah Died.” Daily Telegraph, November 23, 1996.
8. Shah, I. The Way of the Sufi. Penguin Books, 1991 (reprint).
9. Lessing, D. “The Sufis” (first published in Books and Bookmen) in Time Bites: Views and Reviews. Harper Perennial, New York, 2004.
10. Barks, C. Rumi: The Book of Love – Poems of Ecstasy and Longing. Harper San Francisco, 2003.
11. Lessing, D. “The Sufis” (first published in Books and Bookmen) in Time Bites: Views and Reviews. Harper Perennial, New York, 2004.


Recommended Off-site Links:
The International Sufi Movement
Sufi News and Sufism World Report
Sufis Without Borders
The Threshold Society

Recommended Online Articles:
Rumi and Sufism: Examining Islamic Spiritual Science in the Modern Age - Wajahat Ali (Goatmilk, June 10, 2008).
Christian and Islamic Mysticism - Thom Curnutte (Ad Dominum, January 2, 2009).
A Glimpse of Oneness for a Change - Joan Chittister (National Catholic Reporter, November 26, 2008).
Gay Muslims Reveal Different Evolutionary Stages of Faith Development - Joe Perez (MyOutSpirit.com, November 8, 2007).
The Mysterious Potential Hiding in Our Pain - Tom Esch (Progressive Catholic Voice, April 2008).

See also the previous Wild Reed posts:
In the Garden of Spirituality: Doris Lessing
My Travels with Doris
Keeping the Spark Alive: Conversing with “Modern Mystic” Chuck Lofy
In the Garden of Spirituality: Paulo Coelho
The Road to Love: Coming Out in Africa and the Middle East
The Many Manifestations of God’s Loving Embrace
The Sacred Heart: “Mystical Symbol of Love”

Interiors V

Images: Michael Bayly.

See also the previous Wild Reed posts:
Interiors
Interiors II
Interiors III
Interiors IV
Rainy October Afternoon

A Noble and Worthwhile Endeavor

.

Project 515 is working with law-makers
to propose legislation to ensure equality
for Minnesota same-sex couples and their families
during times of illness and death

Project 515 is an initiative first launched in October 2007 that works to ensure that same-gender couples and their families have equal rights and considerations under Minnesota law. The organization envisions a world of equality where “all families are equally valued and respected under the law and in their homes, neighborhoods, workplaces and communities.”

And the significance of “515”? Well, the 2006 Equality of Minnesota statewide survey revealed that “a significant gap exists between the fairness Minnesotans value and what actually occurs under Minnesota law,” say the founders of Project 515. “Nearly eight out of ten Minnesotans said they think government should treat people no differently because of their sexual orientation, and seven out of ten Minnesotans said they believe ‘gays and lesbians should have the same rights and responsibilities as everyone else.’ Yet at least 515 Minnesota laws treat gay and lesbian couples in committed relationships unfairly and unequally.”

Accordingly, Project 515 is committed to changing the debate around long-term same-gender relationships, primarily by identifying the 515 Minnesota laws that contribute to the unfairness same-gender couples and their families experience in Minnesota. As I’m sure you’d agree, it’s a noble and worthwhile endeavor that the good folks at Project 515 are committed to.

Recently, the executive director of Project 515, Laura Smidzik, shared details about an important initiative being undertaken by Project 515 at the Minnesota Legislature.

Following is the text of Laura’s e-mail.

_______________________________

Dear Friends,

Last week at the State Capitol, Project 515 proposed legislation to ensure equality for Minnesota same-sex couples and their families during times of illness and death.

Minnesota Senator Yvonne Prettner Solon (DFL, Duluth) and Minnesota Representative Erin Murphy (DFL, St. Paul), who are sponsoring the Final Wishes bill, joined Project 515 to discuss the need for these proposals. They include:

1. The Final Wishes Proposal, which will provide same-sex partners equal opportunities to honor the final wishes of their partners without the creation of costly legal documents that may fail to guarantee this right.

2. The Preserving One’s Home Proposal, which will allow same-sex partners and their families to stay in their homes following the death of a loved one.

3. The Justice After Wrongful Death Proposal, which will allow same-sex partners the same right as a married spouse to recover medical or funeral expenses through a wrongful death court case.

To read more and view photos from the press conference, go to Project 515 News & Events. Watch for updates and information in the coming weeks about how you can help us pass this legislation.

In the meantime, please tell a friend - or 515 friends! - and help us spread the word about Project 515’s mission to ensure that same-sex couples and their families have equal rights and considerations under Minnesota law.

To top off a great week, we held a very successful fundraiser in Minneapolis at the beautiful home of Project 515 Board Member Ron Beining and Mark Perrin. At the event we raised more than $28,000 for our legislative work for equality and fairness under Minnesota laws. Thanks to all of you for your continued support!

Laura Smidzik
Executive Director, Project 515


P.S. Be sure to listen at 11 a.m. Wednesday to KFAI (90.3 FM in Minneapolis, 106.7 FM in St. Paul or online at KFAI.org). I will be speaking about Project 515’s legislative goals and will be joined by others from the GLBT community who will discuss their public policy efforts.

Above (left to right): Sen. Dibble, Sen. Prettner Solon,
Project 515 Executive Director Laura Smidzik, Rep. Murphy
and Rep. Clark gather at the Capitol to announce proposed
legislation providing equality for same-sex couples
- January 27, 2009.

Recommended Off-site Links:
Project 515
OutFront Minnesota
Anti-Gay Arguments We Don’t Bother With (and Should): Part 1 - Gabriel Arana (Box Turtle Bulletin, January 29, 2009).
Anti-Gay Arguments We Don’t Bother With (and Should): Part 2 - Gabriel Arana (Box Turtle Bulletin, January 29, 2009).

See also the previous Wild Reed posts:
Catholics Join in Nationwide Protests of Prop 8
OutFront Minnesota’s 2008 Lobby Day
OutFront Minnesota’s 2007 Lobby Day
Separate is Not Equal
Naming and Confronting Bigotry
Getting the Word Out
The Same People
The Same Premise
The Real Gay Agenda
Love is Love
What Straights Can Learn from Gay Marriage
Celebrating the Presence of God Within All Families

Back!

Earlier this evening a number of friends hosted a “welcome back” party for me. I know and value many of these good folks through my work with both the Catholic Pastoral Committee on Sexual Minorities (CPCSM) and the Progressive Catholic Voice.

In the photo above, for instance, I’m pictured with former CPCSM president, Mary Lynn Murphy, and current CPCSM president, Mary Beckfeld. (Also in the picture is my friend Michael Douglas.)

(Mary Lynn recently had a powerful piece published in the Progressive Catholic Voice about why she can no longer identify as Catholic. It can be viewed here.)



Above (from left): Michael Douglas, Mary Beckfeld, Brian McNeill (president of Dignity Twin Cities and convener of the Rainbow Sash Alliance USA), Mary Lynn Murphy, Rick Notch (CPCSM treasurer), and Kate McDonald.

(For a thought-provoking article that Brian recently wrote for the Progressive Catholic Voice, click here.)



Above: With Brian and Rick.



Above: CPCSM president, Mary Beckfeld, with former CPCSM treasurer and long-time CPCSM supporter, Paul Fleege.



Above: With three inspiring women: Rita McDonald, Darlene White, and Rita O’Brien.


I arrived back in the U.S. from Australia on the evening of Wednesday, January 28. So far, jet lag has been minimal - which, believe me, is something to be grateful for. The weather, though obviously a marked change from summer in Australia, hasn’t been too much of a shock. I guess I missed the really bad sub-zero temperatures experienced in the Twin Cities a couple of weeks ago. I can’t say I’m sorry.

I’m happy to be back and am looking forward to a productive and fulfilling year with my work with both CPCSM and the Progressive Catholic Voice. We have some exciting projects in the works – some of which I previously referred to at the end of this post.

As it was difficult to say goodbye to my family in Australia, I appreciate the warm welcome back that I’ve been receiving from friends since my return to Minnesota. Tonight’s little party was especially appreciated, and I’d like to extend a big thank you to CPCSM co-founder David McCaffrey as well as to Mary Lynn Murphy, Paula Ruddy, and many others who helped organize it.

Yes, it’s good to be back, my friends, and to be once again involved with all of you in the important work we’re doing of coalition building and the taking of proactive measures that respectfully challenge and counter the reactionary and regressive efforts within our local Catholic community. And, of course, I never doubt for a moment that what we are doing is contributing, in some small way, to a global movement that is bringing about renewal and reform – and thus hope and justice – to the Catholic Church.

But, before I get too carried away, a rather mundane task: the completion of CPCSM’s Annual Member Report to Community Shares Minnesota - due Monday! (Hmm, I’m thinking tomorrow night is shaping up to be an all-nighter.)


See also the previous Wild Reed post:
Back in the USA (January 2007)