Chinese American independent filmmaker Alex Liu recently talked about his 2021 documemtary film A Sexplanation with the U.K.-based website Female First. The film, which explores issues concerning sexual stigma, shame, pleasure, and pride in the context of debates over comprehensive sex education, follows Liu as he travels the United States and Canada to interview researchers, therapists, educators, authors, political leaders, and activists, including those at the Kinsey Institute, Planned Parenthood, and San Francisco Sex Information.
Following is an excerpt from Female First’s insightful conversation with Liu.
After watching A Sexplanation, it was incredible to be the first in the U.K. to speak with Alex Liu about his personal life, his general career, and the upcoming documentary.
A Sexplanation is both a journey through and a celebration of sex, sexual identity, and everything in-between. Alex took the leap into the world of sex, not just for himself, but for those of us still unsure about taking that step. “People just wanna know how to make sex feel good and work for you”, says Alex.
We began the interview by asking Alex about his childhood which, by all accounts, was “pretty pleasant” as he had “very loving parents, very supportive”, which was great to hear from someone who, despite this support, considered suicide at a young age due to the shame that surrounded him in regard to his sexuality and sexual self-gratification.
“The one thing my family was not prepared for as I started getting older was my same-sex attraction . . . my queer identity”. Even some parents today struggle with knowing their child is anything but straight, while some are simply surprised and supportive.
This may come from a lack of knowledge about different sexualities, which, especially when Alex was younger, wasn’t a priority at all – and sadly, while it seems to be more talked about, still isn’t today.
“I had a lot of anger and confusion towards my parents, I blamed them a lot for not being there for me in a way... you think I had it bad? They had it so much worse . . . when it came to sex and sex education.”
Since no one could really help Alex with his feelings and his newfound sexuality, he turned to “destructive behaviours”, as well as having “depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation . . . it took us a long time as a family to figure out how to navigate forward.”
This is of course a sad story, but within A Sexplanation, Alex speaks with his parents about their experiences with sex education, and he realises that they didn’t have much in the way of sexual knowledge, and his grandmother even less so.
We then asked Alex to share with us what troubles him the most about sex education within the U.S now, as well as when he was growing up.
Now, it seems that it’s a “little better,” according to Alex, but there has also been a “lot of steps back in the past month.”
“But when I was growing up... the political and public health goal was how we prevent teen pregnancy, cause it was at all-time highs, and how do we prevent HIV . . . so the main message is just ‘don’t have sex’... the most moral thing you can do with these urges is to stop yourself.”
It seems that when Alex, and others his age, were ready to learn about what sex is, he was simply told (when he was younger) just to not have sex, and repress any sexual urges. Surely we all know, however, that this simply does not work.
Preaching abstinence in schools leads to young people still having sex, but with either a lack of information, or the wrong facts entirely. This leads to higher teen pregnancies, higher rates of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), and other sexual blunders.
“Repression of strong desires or urges doesn’t make them go away” states Alex, “it just makes them come out in way more harmful ways.”
“People think a lot about how you minimise risks, but no one talks about how you maximise pleasure”, which is a very important part of sex that is seemingly not only ignored here in the UK, but in the U.S, too. “We got a lot of the shame . . . but none of the positives” Alex finishes.
. . . Moving onto the crux of the documentary itself, Alex stated that one of the reasons he was unsure if he wanted to tell his story, was that he was “scared it would be coated purely as a gay story, a queer story, ‘this is only for gay people, and really this was for everyone.” We couldn’t agree more, as A Sexplanation felt like an inclusive journey for everyone; gay, straight, bisexual, transgender, and everyone else – that’s what was so special about the documentary.
“Everyone has something in their life that they need to come out about”, says Alex, “it may not be a same-sex attraction, but it’s something, right?” Coming out doesn’t always need to relate to sexual identity, it can “be as simple as masturbation”, Alex continues to explain.
“There’s really seven billion sexualities when you think about it” said Alex when discussing how many of us can feel abnormal or out of place when it comes to our quirks or kinks; however, as Alex sees it (and we couldn’t agree more), the only thing we all have in common is that none of us are normal, which is in fact a beautiful thing.
Alex then asks us all a very important question: “Isn’t the world just more delicious if you can come out about it and have people know you and love you for who you are?” We definitely think so.
Alex then discusses the biggest misconception we have about sex education, where we seem to think it takes place from “12 to 18 . . . but really sex ed is something that should start from birth to death.”
How can sexual education last only a few years, when our bodies, minds, sexual preferences and desires are changing as we get older? Answer: it can’t.
. . . Sex, according to Alex, is “so core and essential to who we all are”, which is a beautiful way of putting it, and yet again, we agreed with Alex’s wonderful idea of what sex really is, and what it can be.
When asked about the MRI section of the documentary, Alex let out a nervous laugh, as it was quite the uncommon experience. He essentially masturbated in an MRI machine for scientists who are the first ever to study sex in this way.
“It was probably the least erotic sexual experience I’ve had in my life,” laughed Alex. “You’re stuck in an MRI machine . . . you have a camera crew and a research team barking orders at you. “There’s a lot of pressure to get it done in the time allotted . . . it was terrifying to have to masturbate on camera . . . but the process I think was really helpful for me to get over the shame I have for masturbation.”
. . . Our final question to Alex was what A Sexplanation taught him, to which he replied “getting over shame is a daily battle . . . the only cure is talking about it; the only way to get rid of the darkness is to shed light on it.”
To read Female First’s interview with Alex Liu in its entirety, click here.
Related Off-site Link:
New Documentary A Sexplanation Explores the Sorry State of American Sex Ed – Dan Loughry (Hornet, March 27, 2021).
See also the previous Wild Reed posts:
• Alan Cumming on “This Thing About Pleasure and Admitting to Desire”
• Unique . . . Yes, You!
• The Body: As Sacred and Knowing as a Temple Oracle
• To Be Held and to Hold
• A “Truly Queer Theory” on Sex
• Sex as Mystery, Sex as Light (Part 1)
• Sex as Mystery, Sex as Light (Part 2)
• Human Sex: Weird and Silly, Messy and Sublime
• Coming Out: An Act of Holiness
• Real Holiness
• Beyond the Hierarchy: The Blossoming of Liberating Catholic Insights on Sexuality
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